Things You'll Need:
- Controlled temperment
- Patience
- Able to help victim orchestrate an escape plan, if necessary
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Step 1
Educate yourself on issues of abuse. Find out why victims stay when they know they should leave. Think of abusive situations in the past that have happened to people you know. Consider the signs you may have overlooked initially in your own personal relationships. Avoid the temptation to ask, "What did you do for him to...? What did you say for her to...? Blame does nothing to help the person's situation, it only makes them feel worse. Some advisors think that if they say enough damning statements it will make him or her "wise up," that is wrong thinking.
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Step 2
Next, listen to the victim's story, without judgement. Avoid statements like, "If I were you I would...You are stupid for staying with him..." She deals with enough abuse at home, she doesn't need to hear it from you too. If you choose to behave in this way, you may cause her to want to commit suicide, murder or do some other unthinkable act, so be mindful of what you say.
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Step 3
Share with the victim any stories you may have heard about survivors of abuse overcoming their situations. The point here is to encourage her and make her feel like she still has the power to change her circumstance. Abusers make their victims feel powerless and worthless. She needs to feel like there is still hope for her to start a life anew! Maybe the victim in the story you share with her, left her abuser because her children gave her the strength to leave or maybe the victim was a man who no longer wanted to stay in a marriage with an abusive woman. There are men who are being abused by their wives as well, although there are those critics who make fun or call men in these relationships choice names, the truth is they don't know what to do because if they hit her back they know they will go to jail and they too have not come to grips with a decision to leave either.
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Step 4
Share with the victim information such as how to leave the home while taking his or her children with them. Where they can live and how to obtain employment near their new location until they press charges. Also, give them phone numbers of places they can go to for help. They will also need to know why it is important that they never disclose their hiding place to their abuser as well.
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Step 5
Alert someone close to you (preferably a person that doesn't personally know the victim) about the situation as well as the police, so that if anything should happen to you such as an angry spouse coming on the job threatening you, someone else will know about it. Although the police will not be able to do anything unless something happens to you or if the victim reports the abuse, at least there is some kind of paper trail.
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Step 6
Make notes of the days and times the victim spoke to you about the abuse. Include names and any other information in your notes that will come in handy in the future for an attorney, private investigator, or police officer handling the victim's case.
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Step 7
Avoid speaking to others in your workplace or church about the victim's situation. Otherwise, he or she may go into hiding and won't ever seek any help.
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Step 8
Lastly, be prepared for the victim to say, "Thank you, but we are working things out." The truth is his or her abuser just hasn't hit them lately, but sooner or later something will happen that will cause them to come running for help on two legs or lying in a body bag.
