How to Handle Jealousy in a Relationship

Have you ever been called "the jealous type"? Do you feel enraged when your partner talks to someone else, assuming something could be "going on"? If you properly handle jealousy when it comes up (in other words, by not trying to make your partner jealous in return!), you'll feel calmer and more content, and your relationship will be more stable with fewer blow-ups. That means more time for the good stuff--like taking day trips together and cuddling on the couch.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

How to Handle Jealousy in a Relationship

1. Identify the cause of your jealousy. Whether you caught your boyfriend's eyes wandering or heard your girlfriend making secret plans to meet her ex, you need to know what's making you fume.

2. Keep it in perspective. Step back and consider whether your significant other has ever given you cause to doubt his or her fidelity. Does he come home late from work all the time or is this a rare occurrence? Has she ever cheated on you, or on anyone, before? Try to focus on his or her past actions, rather than generalizing (like assuming that all guys cheat).

3. Talk about your feelings honestly. Explain your jealousy and your concerns to your lover as calmly as possible: "I know you and your coworker are just friends, but I can't help feeling concerned when you have dinner alone together. I'm afraid of getting cheated on." The more comfortable you become with talking openly, the less either of you will feel the need for reassurance.

4. Communicate your expectations with your partner. What kind of relationship do you want to have? Close-knit or free-loving? What does "commitment" mean to each of you? Make sure your agreements are clear. There will be less chance either of you will ever say, "But I thought that meant we could sleep with other people!"

5. Keep your agreements with your significant other. Lead by example. Do not cheat, lie, or do other things that would make someone jealous.

Tips & Warnings

• Communication is the key. But if your significant other isn't willing to do that, you may need to reconsider whether to stay in the relationship.
• Never try to make your partner jealous on purpose! That kind of game-playing destabilizes relationships.

Resources

• 7 Common Jealousy Triggers and How to Handle Them

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