How to Make a Multicultural Marriage Work

The key elements to having a successful multiethnic or multicultural marriage.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• A partner and spouse
• A willingness to make things work

1. Establish an atmosphere of respect and be kind and respectful of each other’s space. You can do this by listening to each other

2. Love your spouse and let your spouse know your expectations in being loved as well. Some cultures are more comfortable with affection than others.

3. Be yourself and expect your partner to be himself/herself. Don’t enter a marriage attempting to change a person as it won’t work.

4. Avoid ethnocentrism. This is very difficult at times as culture is very much ingrained in a person. It is best to assume nothing. However, it is important to consider the difference in cultures and be open to give and take.

5. Communicate, compromise and stand firm. Early on and preferably prior to marriage, openly discuss and decide what is important and what you are willing to compromise on. Are there specific family traditions that every year the family enjoys? Are there religious aspects that may differ from country to country even if it is the same religion? What is your cultures view of women and men? What makes a good wife or husband in each of your cultures? What do you believe in most and will not sacrifice. People from a traditional society may have certain expectations of their partners. Women play one role while men play another. Have a clear understanding about your partner’s thoughts on children, parenting roles, social influences (going out, hobbies and friends), household chores and involvement of family in your marriage.

6. Be flexible. Spend time learning each other’s cultures and what is important to the other person. Attempt to take an active interest in what your spouse enjoys. Eat the foods specific to your partner’s culture and listen to the music he or she likes. Even if you don’t enjoy it, still respect that this is what makes your partner who he or she is.

7. Have patience and understanding. If your partner speaks another language other than English or very little English, it may helpful for you to try to learn his or her language if you don't speak it. Sometimes certain concepts do not translate well from one language to another and often a way of thinking and the culture comes with each language. It may help you understand your partner more.
   
   If your partner is new to the US, be kind to the difficult transition he or she may be experiencing. Be prepared to listen and be supportive. Realize that there may be times that you and your partner won’t see eye to eye.

8. Prepare yourself and understand that there may be those that do not agree with multicultural or multiethnic marriages. This could be family members, friends or complete strangers.

9. Be realistic. As with any marriage, there will be difficult times and there will be happy times as well.

Tips & Warnings

• In the end, marriage is an agreement between both spouses. Culture influences greatly a person, but it is the respect and communication between both people that helps makes a good marriage.
• Physical, mental or emotional abuse is never something that should be acceptable. Abuse is a behavior that is learned, not a personality trait. In most cultures, abuse is still considered taboo.

[leahsarahk]

on 11/1/2009 Thanks for the great Advise. My husband and I have been married for 5 years now. He is from Nigeria Africa and I am from Ontario Canada. We have had many differences and struggles, but we still love each other and believe it is God's will for us to stay together and adapt to each other.

[maraiya]

on 11/1/2009 Very interesting about how cultural differences can affect a marriage. Good advice!