How to Deal with Cliques in Schools and Churches

Cliques or clubs or parties have been the hurdle everybody has to deal with many times in life. As children, we see cliques form in schools, especially religious-based schools. Of course, playgrounds become fertile fields for cliques. These are a miniature of what adults face as well. The cruelty of "not fitting in" with peers can affect us through life. Where does it begin and what can we do about it with children before it gets out of hand? Let's talk about it.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Kids
• Parents
• Schools
• Churches
• Sports
• Activities

1. Cliques can be a mean place to someone who is "outside" looking in with hopes of being accepted. Like many other types of adversity in life, the best way for a parent to deal with it is by being a positive role model to your kids. A positive, pro-active role model has a strong self image and is willing to go without membership in the clique and keep your integrity rather than become a follower or manipulator in a clique. When your children see how you deal with cliques in a non-violent, controlled manner, they can be more capable of doing the same. Adults should be able to use maturity in handling matters like these, but too often succumb to pride and outside pressures. Consequently, the kids only emulate or hibernate in self-pity and destroyed self esteem.

2. Another step would be to have a great, loving relationship with your kids early in their lives and keep it going into and through their teen years when cliques really start to become the "in thing." Cliques are much like gangs except for the reputation they possess. Cliques can be destructive when left alone without some parental regulation. Kids need to feel safe at all times and know how to deal with adversity when it comes without resorting to fighting, stabbings or shootings. Cliques can get people to that extreme. A loving relationship can act as a buffer against such vices.

3. Another step in dealing with cliques in schools and churches falls on the responsibilities of the leadership. This article writer recalls how his son was off at camp with a church youth group and they "let their hair down" in activities, but when he tried to do the same thing back at the home church with the same participants he had in camp, they snubbed him. The leadership should have addressed the issue and prepared the campers that such things are evidences of pride and humiliation. A good illustration can be seen in the opening episodes of the movie, GREASE with John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John. Of course that movie is a reproduction in comedy, but the point can be seen easily among the cliques and their respective behavior. The leadership in that movie were made to look like clowns. Real life leaders must show that they can buffer and protect our children while the children are away from parental oversight.

4. Teachers and coaches should not promote cliques among the kids but rather show the children that anyone can belong to any clique/group or whatever as long as their involvement doesn't harm the others physically. Boundaries, such as members who are violent in nature or racially-bigoted, make for a safer environment.

5. Most often, cliques can isolate people based on social class or color of skin or ethnicity or sports. Show, by example, that for a clique to exist, it should take on humanitarian projects. Adopt a Senior Adult or Clean up the Neighborhood or Odd Jobs for Single Moms or Supporting Spouses of Deployed Veterans or Habitat for Humanity are all noble causes that teach an open-mindedness to club members. If these groups see how their actions can impact people around them with little effort, they can see how their world will become a different and better place to live.

6. Parents and leaders of churches and schools should take the responsibility to stop or redirect the destructive nature of cliques and groups and seek to harness the energy and creativity in young people for the good of all. Left to themselves, the Bible says, a child will bring his mother shame. Train them up, on the other hand, into the way they SHOULD go and they will not depart from that right way when they get old. Fathers should not discourage their children because "children glory in their fathers." Mutual respect pays more dividends beyond the home if instilled early in life. "Walk a mile in their shoes," says the ancient Native American proverb in order to know others more intimately. All these and so much more work positively toward the value of acceptance among kids that makes people who are "different" feel welcome.

[tundranut]

on 3/15/2009 Cliques can devastate otherwise healthy and promising children. Thank you for writing a much needed article. 5*

[teachermom]

on 2/18/2009 This is sooooo true. I'm so glad that you wrote this article. I wish I could e-mail it to the leadership of a church that I "used" to go to.

[hoolihan0519]

on 2/14/2009 Excellent article. I love the way you write. Keep up the good work and the articles coming. RCR.

[brantsbabe]

on 2/13/2009 Cliques are so detrimental to people, funny how churches are the worst place in the world for them, that should change. 5* article.

[jennen]

on 2/7/2009 good article...on groups and cliques 5**