How to Win 'Em Over With Sweetness

Smile and show 'em your sugar!

Your coworker is full of nasty gossip. The customer service rep knows nothing about customer service. Your friend is in a fowl mood. You needn't let the negative energy of those around you dampen your spirit, drive your interactions or ruin your day. Follow these tips and learn how to win over even the crankiest of curmudgeons-by showing off your sweetest sweet self.

Instructions

1. Begin with compassion. We never know the circumstances or the internal landscape in which another person exists. Life is difficult, much more so for some than for others. We are all doing our best to get by in the only way we know. And we can all always give more compassion.

2. Take charge. Start your interaction right with kind eye contact, a smile, a cleansing breath, a light-hearted joke or a comment as simple as: "Hello. How are you?"

3. Ignore 'em. It can be easy to let another person's energy take over your own. When somebody is a jerk, we get defensive, we get scared, we doubt ourselves, we pull inward, we shut up. Just because the person in front of you is scowling, doesn't mean you need to grimace too. Ignore any behavior you don't like and stay strong and true to your sweet center.

4. Look for the positive. Everybody has something good in them. Find it, focus on it and speak to that.

5. Give a compliment. Flattery will get you far, but only if it's sincere.

6. Speak to how they should be, not to how they are. Say things like: "it's great to see you," "you're so helpful," "thank you" and "I appreciate your perspective." As the German philosopher Goethe once wrote: "If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming."

7. Get a kick out of their quirks. She's grumpy and strict. He's apathetic and rude. Instead of getting annoyed, angry or frustrated, can you see the humor in the situation? Can you view them like characters in your life movie, written in to make your plot more interesting? The more you can laugh about the situation, the easier you'll get through.

8. Do not internalize. I teach classes and workshops regularly. When I first began doing this, it used to crush me if I noticed people in the group with less-than-positive looks on their faces. I assumed it meant I was doing a terrible job, that they hated me, that I was a failure. Over the years, however, I have learned that a person's apparent attitude isn't always reflective of their feelings on the inside. Often it's the people with the biggest scowls who give me the highest praise in the end. Remember: just because somebody is being a jerk, doesn't mean you've done something wrong.

9. Be persistent. Don't argue, yell, lose your cool or get into a power struggle. Don't let your sweetness sour, no matter what.

10. Remember: being sweet doesn't mean being a doormat. Rather, it means sweet maintaining a soft, kindhearted approach. You can put your foot down with sweetness. You can ask to speak to the manager with sweetness. You can tell somebody to leave you alone with sweetness. You can walk away with sweetness.