How to Resolve Conflict in a Troubled Friendship

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By cadence
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Friendships can be difficult. As much as we'd like to say our friendships are all happiness and roses, sometimes we have to reach out and resolve conflict in a troubled friendship. It's important to resolve conflict in a troubled friendship, especially when involved in a close knit group of friends. If not for yourself, it's sometimes important to make peace for others that you know.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

Step 1

Before you do anything, be ready to make peace in a troubled friendship. If you aren't ready to give and take, your reconciliation will not go anywhere. Be in the best mental place that you can be when you confront the troubled friendship.
Step 2

Make the effort to reach out to the friend that you are having trouble with. It would be nice if the other person makes the first move, but that isn't always the case. Make the effort because if no one does that, nothing will get resolved.
Step 3

Discuss the troubling situation in a calm manner. If the other person begins to get defensive or upset, try to calm them down or ask if they would like to continue the conversation at a later time.
Step 4

Speak in an "I" format which does not blame the other person. Say "I feel that..." and say why you're upset, but don't blame the other person. Take responsibility for your feelings. The other person may respond more rationally to this than if you blame them for the troubled friendship.
Step 5

Admit your wrongdoings. There are two sides to a friendship. While you can say that the other person hurt you, take responsibility for your actions as well. Admit where you may have been wrong, and offer sincere apologies. You may know that you intentionally did not hurt someone else, but it may not seem that way to them.
Step 6

Allow your friend to explain their side of the story, and if you think it is important, encourage your friend to apologize. If you want to make peace in a troubled friendship, you both need to be willing to step down a bit and apologize.
Step 7

Open a clear line of communication. Tell your friend that you would like to discuss issues as they arise from now on, that way issues can not grow into larger, compounded issues. Let your friend know that the issues should be discussed with each other privately to avoid all out wars and to keep others out of the argument, because involving others isn't fair to them.
Step 8

Remember what you learn from this situation. Be careful not to offend your friend in the future. Even if you want to say something, think carefully before saying it. It is not worth inadvertently offending someone if it is avoidable. If you really need to say something that is great for you but may upset the other person (but they need to know), say it once and change the subject so you do not dwell on the subject.
Step 9

Let things go. In a true friendship, friends can move past issues. If the issues can not be resolved, you are allowed to close the friendship and move on. It is not healthy to maintain a toxic friendship.
Step 10

If the friendship survives, spend some one-on-one time with your friend. Hang out and bond, which will allow you to mend the broken parts of your friendship. Resolving conflict in a troubled friendship requires time, effort and healing. Be willing to heal, and allow yourself to move past the pain that was caused.

Comments

snurple said

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on 10/31/2009 Sometimes the friend does not want to resolve the friendship and it is then better to take a good hard look at why the relationship should continue. At this point it is a good idea to take a break from hanging out with the friend and think about ending the relationship.