How to Avoid Being Part of The Crowd and Still Fit in

Being part of the crowd is something that most people want to be. Indeed, many are uncomfortable knowing that their lifestyle, actions, thoughts, etc. are different than everybody else's. However, some people want to be a "rebel WITH a clue" and in this way there are ways to avoid social exclusion, whilst still pursuing your own independent interests.

This article will provide ways to be your own person whilst also being a productive member of society.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Confidence
• More of an idea of what you want to be than "just different".
• Infinite patience
• Enjoyment of acute periods of isolation

1. First off, if you don't want to be a part of the crowd, then don't follow personality cults, pay attention to the latest fashion, constantly ask yourself if you are normal, judge yourself by other people's standards, worry all the time about what people think about you and pay attention constantly to how much attention other people are paying you. This is not an inclusive list, but it is a summary of all the things you need to avoid doing. What you need to do in the affirmative will be listed at the end of this article.

2. Personality cults are bad for the individual because they rely on you bestowing false praise on someone who is clearly just out for themselves. It might feel good to be a part of a personality cult because you might get invited to parties, get the attention of someone you see as successful and put you in physical proximity of people from whom you wish you had respect. How do you know the difference between a personality cult and a good club run by a talented leader? Well, in the latter instance, the person will do everything possible to raise the levels of the people in his/her group and will even purposely lose small battles to improve the confidence of others. In short, a good leader is modest and not interested in receiving loads of praise. On the other hand, someone in the middle of a personality cult will not seek to improve the confidence of others, but rather will always play king of the hill games, seeking out approval from not only close friends, but also the partners and best friends of others. In other words, personality cults tend to "worship" the "leader" insofar as the leader must always be perceived as better than everyone else, even if it means the "leader" of the personality cult resorts to odious means to win small, petty games in which the reward is being perceived as better than someone else.

3. Next, avoiding being out of fashion is more important than trying to be in fashion. The best way to avoid being seen as a "frumpy Fran" is to wear matching colours. It doesn't matter if you are a goth or a cheerleader, make sure that your style is consistent enough so that even if you are expressing yourself by what you wear, that you are not so weird looking that you have trouble maintaining a conversation with anyone without them being clearly disturbed by your clothes. Just remember that dark clothes are good, whilst light clothes can get you into danger. As far as trying to buy something that is trendy, many people will find that the trendy clothes they buy stick out and either look pretentious or miss the mark entirely because the fashion will have moved on and people who are really up on the latest trends will recognised "yesterday's clothes." If you want to be an individual in terms of clothes, just make sure that your outfit is appropriate for the venue you attend.

4. At this point it is important to ask yourself if you are constantly asking yourself if you are normal. Everyone has a different IQ and physical capability. Moreover, a person is more than just their IQ and physical person; we all have personalities. We all have something different to add to a group. If you want to be an individual and start to actually go out and be an individual don't be surprised if people are constantly passively or actively letting you know how out of the ordinary you are. If you are worried about being normal all of the time, then you'll never come into your own as a person. Stop worrying about what other people think about you and just get on with your life!

5. The above leads nicely into the next point: don't judge yourself by other people's standards. This is not to say that there are not standards set by other people that you should hold yourself to, but what I am saying is that you must agree with yourself that these are YOUR standards. For example, if you are doing martial arts, there are standards for advancement, but these standards are not by definition the standards by which a martial arts practitioner should hold themselves to in terms of judging whether they are a good person. A black belt in Karate can be an ass, whilst a white belt in Aikido can be a real friend. Other examples include judging yourself by how much money you make, your job, the number of friends you have on facebook or myspace, how good looking your girlfriend or boyfriend is, or any other standard that requires a subjective evaluation of "good versus bad". Set your own standards, live by them, and set out to improve based on a starting point commensurate with the reality of your current status as a person.

6. Again, the above step leads into the next point which is worrying all the time about what other people think about you. Forget about what other people think about you and just start making judgments about yourself from your own set of standards. Okay, you want people to like you and appreciate you for what you have to offer the world, but if you are obsessing about it, trying to force a certain perception of yourself on other people, then you might have the opposite effect of what you are attempting to accomplish, which is: being someone who doesn't follow the crowd yet has a healthy relationship with the outside world. If someone doesn't like you, then so what? There are plenty of people who probably don't like that person. If the person makes uncomfortable comments to you, then ignore them or say, "what are you talking about, do you have nothing better to do with your time than insult other people?" If the person is trying to turn your friends against you, then they might be trying to actively make you fail. If this is the case, then see a related article that I have written entitled "How to Know When Someone Wants you to Fail": http://www.ehow.com/how_4730555_someone-wants-fail.html.

7. And finally (in terms of the list of what not to do) stop worrying about how much attention other people pay you. Many times, when people are paying someone attention they are doing so not out of liking that person, but out of wanting to elevate themselves, or follow the crowd in worshipping a clearly undeserving person who might specialise more in tearing others down than boosting people up. You don't need to be a personality cult for people to like you. Many people probably like and appreciate you from afar. You don't want false praise and people trying to suck up to you because they think you'll imprive their lot in life. There is a great scene in the Office when the boss says something to the effect of "I don't want people to suck up to me because they think it will improve their careers, but rather because they like me." Well, the point is that you don't want "suck ups" at all, so just do what you do and people will show their admiration and respect in their own ways. You can't force people to life you.

8. Here is what you should do in the affirmative: temporarily isolate yourself from your regular social group. You might find that upon return people express that you were missed. You might find that you weren't missed, so that means you should find another social group. You will certainly gain perspective when you turn yourself into a fly on the wall, letting people get on with their social politics without involving you so much.

9. In addition, you might want to quit a hobby that is bringing little to no returns and start a new hobby that will bring you what you are looking for. If you want to be around smart people, but are terrible at chess, you might still want to join a chess club, just to meet other brainy people. And you probably will improve your game as well.

10. Start being honest with people about how you feel about them. Individuals are marked out because they often express their true feelings without the worry that someone may not like them after they say how they feel. If you want to be an individual, call someone out as being an ass in front of other people. You might find that other people agree with you.

11. Be proud of your "odd" lifestyle, but start hanging out with your friends more and fill up your social calendar by volunteering and generally showing up to club meetings. To show up to club meetings, you have to join a club, of course. In other words, be who you are, join a club, and SHOW UP. Showing up is 50% of the battle and if you represent diversity in your group, some people will see you as the spice of the group.

12. And finally, if you want to keep yourself from following the crowd whilst not becoming a "social lepper", the you need to work at improving your bad qualities to make up for what others might find to be annoying personality/lifestyle traits. Be a good person no matter what and express your differences by showing pride, modesty, humility and dedication.

Tips & Warnings

• Many people who think they are individuals merely just follow the crowd. Ask yourself if you're one of these people.
• If you start to say that you are "alternative" this and "alternative" that, you will probably be following the alternative crowd.
• People will try to stop you from being an individual by insulting you. Just respond to them by saying, "do you have nothing better to do with your time then insult me? Get a life!"
• Try not to get into controntations with people over your lifestyle. It is better to just let comments slide then get into a huge and uneccesary defense of the way that you choose to live.