How to Maintain a Friendship with Your Ex-Spouse

It can be difficult to be friendly or even want to maintain a friendship with an ex-spouse. But divorce is usually something that isn't decided upon in haste, and I think there are steps anyone can take to try and make a good friendship out of a bad marriage.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Open Mind
• Time
• Willingness

1. You have to WANT to be friends with your ex-spouse. If you don't have a desire to, or the desire isn't strong enough, it's not going to happen.

2. Remember the things that you enjoyed together. Whether it was watching movies, going hiking, or eating breakfast together, there is usually at least something that you enjoyed as a couple. So, continue to do those things together, just alter it a bit.

3. You've got to allow time to heal from the divorce. If you're still going through anger or sadness, being friends with your ex-spouse too quickly could prolong the healing process. Give yourselves some space, and then talk once you feel you've come to terms with the split.

4. If you want things to be friendly or civil with your ex-spouse eventually, you will need to be as practical and rational during the divorce proceedings. Don't try to keep property that you know means something to the other person out of spite. And if children are involved, make sure their needs are met far above your own.

5. Don't feel obligated to be friends. This person obviously wasn't right for you in marriage, and might not be the best for you in friendship. So, if you don't want it, don't try it. However, you can find a great friend out of a failed marriage.

Tips & Warnings

• Children's needs should always come above yours. Even if you can't be friends with your ex-spouse, doesn't mean you can't be civil for the sake of the children.
• Some people are just not meant to be in your life, don't force anything.
• Do NOT attempt to be friends who was abusive to you or your child! They are not worth the time or effort of a friendship, and shouldn't even be given the option!

[dthere]

on 1/26/2009 I think it is possible to be friends with anyone who is willing to reach an agreement with you regarding what it would mean to be a friend. Good points 5