How to Effectively Discipline Your Toddler
Toddlers can really test your patience. One second they're hugging and kissing you, and the next they're throwing food, trying to climb the bookcase or pouring water out of the bathtub. Proper disciplinary techniques will help you head off problem behaviors before they escalate. Discipline is not synonymous with punishment; discipline means teaching your child appropriate behavior for different situations.
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Instructions
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Be consistent. If you tell your toddler that jumping on the couch isn't allowed, you need to correct her each time she does it. It's either allowed or it's not, and the rules should be the same regardless of which spouse is watching her. If you send mixed messages, you're going to confuse your child. Consistency is also key when it comes to consequences; if you threaten her with a timeout and don't follow through, your words will start to sound like empty threats.
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Emphasize the positive. Think about how demoralized you'd be if someone constantly pointed out your flaws and only gave you negative feedback. When your toddler does something without complaint or without prompting, be sure to praise him. Children this age also respond will to rewards and incentives like stickers.
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Work together. Rather than being the dictator that stands over your child as she picks up every piece of cereal she dropped, get down and help her. Tell her that when you make a mess, you have to clean it up. The same goes for toy pick-up at the end of the day. Children are naturally programmed to be cooperative and they want to be helpful. Capitalize on this tendency.
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Use close eye contact and a serious tone of voice when toddlers overstep boundaries. Stare them down and let them know you mean business. Dangerous furniture climbers often need this treatment.
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Demonstrate proper behavior. If you want your toddler to pet the dog softly rather than strangling it, show her how. Hold her hand and demonstrate, then let her try it herself.
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Use distraction to prevent meltdowns. The dreaded toddler tantrum is the result of a toddler's inability to control her emotions. If you draw her attention to something else -- another toy or activity -- she doesn't have time for her emotions to careen out of control.
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Validate her feelings. She's entitled to feel mad and sad just as you are, but she lacks the language skills to put what she's feeling into words. For example, "You're sad because we have to leave the park now. Mommy gets sad sometimes too. But we're going home to eat now, and we're going to have mac and cheese. Do you want to have some mac and cheese?" Notice the distraction technique at the end.
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Use timeouts when your toddler has a tantrum and needs time to calm down and collect herself. Keep timeouts very brief -- perhaps a minute -- and sit near her. After the timeout is over, make eye contact and concisely reiterate why she had a timeout and what behavior is expected. "You had to sit here because you hit your brother. Hitting hurts and is not nice. No hitting."
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Give your children lots of love and attention so they won't act out as a means to get your attention.
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Tips & Warnings
When you punish your toddler by spanking, you are sending the message that it is okay to hit someone when you're upset. The American Academy of Pediatrics advises against spanking.
If you ever feel angry or upset enough by your child's actions to hurt them, immediately leave the situation until you've calmed down. Call someone, if necessary, to watch your child.
References
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