How to Turn 50 Gracefully

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By Pamela Blondiewrites
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Turn 50 Gracefully

Turning 50 means nothing. Oh, this is so wrong because even before you turn fifty, you start noticing changes in the way you do things and how your body feels. The eyes, smells, senses, bones and other body parts start to show signs of a full fifty years of living. How to turn 50 gracefully becomes harder to do, but you can if you have a few tips on how to do it and not do it.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

Sense of humor
Reading glasses (if you don't have them already)
Pliers
Smoke Detector
Icy Hot

Step 1

Seeing things, especially small print will start dwindling in your forties, but when you turn fifty, you will need the strong reading glasses from Wal-Mart. You will not be able to see the small print on the Tylenol bottles and will want to tell everyone that they are making the print smaller every day. Avoid doing this, because it is your eyes. Age gracefully with some dignity at this point.
Step 2

Hearing things is going to become harder. When the dog barks or the grand baby cries and you do not hear it, do not tell others that you cannot hear it, just say that you were ignoring the sounds. Avoid telling anyone you cannot hear sounds that you could before you turned fifty. Age gracefully without letting on to this new problem.
Step 3

Smelling things has been so regular all these years that when your child walks in the door for a visit and asks you why there is a burning smell coming from the kitchen, do not admit that you placed a pizza in the oven almost an hour ago and fell asleep. Just tell this child that the oven cooked faster than it ever has. Age gracefully and never bake anything unless you can stand and wait for it to get done.
Step 4

Bones tend to start aching and making strange cracking sounds when you move. You can try to blame it on the dog making them noises or the floor is getting old and starting to crack and snap, but chances are that no one will believe you. If you need to apply something to sooth your bones, use Icy Hot instead of Ben Gay. Ben Gay is a dead give away. Age gracefully and just keep walking without crying out in pain.
Step 5

Strength is the next thing to go when you turn fifty. That twist top bottle of Pepsi that you have been drinking every morning for the last twenty years is now impossible to open. You try and you try until you finally take pliers and try to loosen it so you can get that caffeine to stay awake. Age gracefully and keep the pliers hidden in the back of a drawer so no one will ever see it and start asking questions.
Step 6

Sleeping seems to be the only thing you do very well. You no longer need those sleep aids because you can fall asleep watching TV, reading a book or talking on the phone. In fact, you can fall asleep anywhere without a problem. Age gracefully and tell people you stay up at night reading and watching TV because the shows are better.

Comments

cygnetbrown said

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on 4/26/2009 I know what you mean, and where did that tire in the middle come from? I'm also turning the big 50 this year. But I've decided to work on keeping what health I do have. I'm exercising and trying to eat the right food. And you're right about the sleep. One of my favorite pastimes.

droxside said

on 1/25/2009 Love this article. personally, I enjoy getting older as I have found the wisdom I gain from experience far out weights any negative aspects. Thanks.