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Step 1
Take stock of where you are.
How old are your children? What are they capable of learning and doing? Do they currently receive allowance, and is it tied to any specific behavior? What responsibilities do they have each day? Children, from a very early age, learn two things: how to get what they want, and how to avoid what they don't want. You must raise your children with an understanding of what you expect from them, and what you plan to do for them. This sounds easy enough, but with all the conflicting advice out there, and the fact that couples usually have different money personalities, it can become pretty difficult.
Children, from the time they are capable, need to have a meaningful role in the household. Maybe it starts with picking up their toys before they go to bed. Participating in creating a home helps children see the value they bring to the family--that they can be givers. As they grow, these chores and responsibilities need to match their maturity and abilities. Seniors in high school should be able to fully execute all lawn care, or clean a house, or do family laundry, or pay bills. You are preparing these individuals, as they grow, for independence. And, they do not receive compensation for doing these chores. This is critical. All persons who live in a household participate in caring for the home, without compensation. (Hey Mom, when's the last time someone paid you to do the dishes, or cook?)
Young children do not need much money, and in fact, until children start going places with friends, I do not see a need for an allowance. Once they get to a social age, you can choose to provide a sum each week, or you can offer money for additional chores they can do, or both. The key is to not compensate them for behaviors you expect--like studying, or getting certain grades, or for basic chores. -
Step 2
Plan the future with your partner.
If you are raising your children with another person, you must both be on the same page. As I said, children figure out at a very young age how to get what they want, or avoid what they do not want. Regardless of what an angel you have, they will try to play you against each other to get out of chores when they don't feel like it, or get you to pay them money out of guilt. They are so good at this!
What will your game plan be? What do you expect? What do you want to give them? Don't implement the plan until the two of you are in total agreement, or there will be conflict. -
Step 3
Implement the game plan.
I suggest family meetings as a good place to begin new things. As our children were growing up, we held family meetings every Sunday night to talk about the week to come, work out logistics (someone needs a ride, or there's a special event, etc.), plan meals, plan vacations, or even dole out punishment for grades that were checked online before the meeting. Everyone gets to contribute, but someone runs the meeting. Set a time limit, and keep to specific topics. -
Step 4
Evaluate your effectiveness as your child grows.
How is your plan working? What do you need to adjust? Remember that tasks/chores and responsibilities need to match the maturity of your child. I recall the first year I was able to drop my daughter at the mall with a list of clothing items she would purchase, and cash. It took years of modeling how to shop, and how to find good deals, and how to make decisions to prepare for that day. When I picked her up later, she was so incredibly proud of herself! She had learned to do something successfully on her own, and had the proof in the shopping bags. The shopping skills she learned then are still evident in her today, ten years later.
What are you teaching your child? Are you teaching them to be dependent or independent? Insecure or confident? Lazy or industrious? They say behaviors eventually become habits, so manage the behaviors to help your children develop the habits of a good work ethic, and money management skills.
