How to Fight Fair With Your Spouse

When you and your spouse have a disagreement it's important to learn to fight fair for the sake of the relationship. After all the relationship is the most important thing and an unfair fight can leave scars that are hard to mend.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Willingness to listen

1. 
    
   Don't bring up past mistakes!

   Stick to the issue at hand. Don't bring up past grievances that can hurt and make your spouse feel diminished. In the end the argument is going to be about compromise NOT winning, so try to really listen to what your spouse is saying. Explain your side without placing blame. Start with words such as "I feel this way when..."

2. 
    
   Remember Your Commitment!

   Remember your commitment. Don't make threats that can get in the way of a resolution. For instance, threatening to leave only makes your spouse feel unloved and unwanted and gives them no reason to want to resolve anything much less back down. It does much more harm than good. Try to assure your spouse that although you feel angry, you still really love him/her. The goal here is to be heard and find a compromise. The goal is NOT to hurt your spouse even if you feel hurt.

3. 
    
   Give yourself some time and space if you are too emotional.

   Sometimes you will need to give it time. An old saying says, "Don't go to bed mad." However, couples that have been married for many years say "go ahead and get a good nights sleep." Sometimes things really do look better in the morning and you will be able to discuss it in a better emotional place. More fights happen at night than in the morning. Sometimes this is due to a bad day or just being tired. Mornings can be a better time to resolve a fight as well. A little time away from the emotionally charged feelings can give you the perspective you both need.

Tips & Warnings

• Take a deep breath before you share your side of the story. It will help calm you.
• Try to put yourself in your spouse's place. This helps with perspective.
• If your emotions are just too "big" to talk rationally, ask to take a walk and talk later. The fresh air and exercise will get you back into your logical mind.
• Don't let disagreements ever get physical...period!
• If you are being abused, seek help NOW.

[mjmetz]

on 4/15/2009 Bingo! Winning the argument accomplishes nothing. Working thru it is the real goal.

[bradmauer]

on 4/8/2009 thanks again for another great article 5*

[tachic]

on 3/10/2009 This is great advice, thanks!

[toph]

on 2/17/2009 Good tips, it can be hard to think so clearly when your emotions are rising. Thanks! Five/Five.

[elyria]

on 2/9/2009 Very nice article, I could learn a lot from reading it. Next step would be to start practicing what I learned :) Thank you for sharing! 5*