How to Tell a Friend Their Partner Cheated on Them

Being a good friend can mean having to tell your best buddy things he doesn't want to hear or things that will really tick him off. But what do you do when you have to break really bad news to him--like you've just seen his live-in girlfriend leave a hotel room with another man and passionately kiss him goodbye? Although it's a tough spot to find yourself in, you owe it to your friend to tell him what you saw.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. Be absolutely sure. If you didn't witness the cheating firsthand, consider whether the source of the information is reliable before repeating the rumor. If you are the person who saw what happened and can take pictures with your phone camera, do it. It's distasteful, but it's better to have solid proof.

2. Brace yourself: He might not believe you. Being cheated on is a massive blow to the ego on top of the pain and humiliation, and men are especially prone to protecting their self-image. Your friendship could suffer or collapse entirely. Or you could be up for awkward moments if he sticks if out with the woman in question and you hang out with them as a couple.

3. Tell your friend in private as soon as possible. Pick an appropriate spot. That doesn't mean informing him while both of you are in a restaurant and his cheating wife is in the bathroom with yours. Nor should you drop the news during a family function or call him while he's on the job. Have him meet you after work. Tell him as soon as you find out, because if you wait several weeks, he and his partner will wonder why you hesitated.

4. Only reveal what you know for sure. Don't speculate and don't plant seeds in his mind. He's going to be highly emotional and it's best to only give him hard facts. If you witnessed his new girlfriend hanging all over a guy at a concert, that's what you tell him. Don't add what you assume happened afterward.

5. Go with your friend when he confronts the cheater--if he asks you. If you are telling the truth, you should be willing to repeat it to the person you're talking about. But if your friend wants to handle it alone, respect his wishes.

6. Stick with your friend in the aftermath. Don't drop the bad news and say, "Hey, gotta dash; I've got a hot date in 2 hours." In the weeks and months that follow, your buddy might need an ear to bend or a shoulder to cry on as he works through things.

7. Don't trash the possibly-soon-to-be-ex. The couple might break up and reunite later. Or they may stay together, period. Dumping on the girl you never liked will make your friend feel worse--he's having his taste in women ripped apart along with his heart. You don't have to pretend you like her, but don't air all your gripes about her right now.

Tips & Warnings

• Try to get the cheater to confess. If you feel comfortable doing it, tell her you've caught her in the act and that you're ready to tell your friend, but it's really her place to let him know. If you're wavering in delivering the news, ask yourself this question: If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want to be told your partner was cheating on you? Wouldn't you be angry if you find out your best friend knew for months and said nothing?