How to Write a Personal Message in a Sympathy Card

Learn how to comfortably write personal notes in sympathy cards.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Purchased or hand-made sympathy card
• Scrap paper
• Pen

1. Sit comfortably in a quiet area. Place your purchased or hand-made sympathy card, scrap paper and pen in front of you. Close your eyes and think of the person who has died. Think of the hobbies that person liked to do and his/her specific attributes such as an especially friendly smile or infectious laugh. Perhaps the deceased had told you something that you had found uplifting or you shared during special times together. As you think of these things note them on the scrap paper until you have two or more topics listed.

2. Look at what you've written. You have two options: find common threads in what you've written, then use those similar themes and discard the rest. Or: if your topics are all different choose the one that means the most to you. If you've only written one topic then you can skip this step!
   
   The reason for this step is to keep your message meaningful but simple.

3. Still using the scrap paper write your first sentence. The first sentence should state your feelings over the death of their loved one.
   
   "Dear Joan,
   I'm so sorry to learn that David lost his battle with cancer."
   
   "Dear Mr. Grains,
   Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your wife."
   
   The next paragraph is where you let the bereaved know your more personal feelings.
   
   "Dear Joan,
   I'm so sorry to learn that David lost his battle with cancer.
   
   He was always so active and full of energy. And he loved the outdoors so much! I remember the last time David took me hiking through the Allegheny mountains. We came across a beautiful waterfall and he became mesmerized. That's all he could talk about during the drive home."
   
   "Dear Mr. Grains,
   Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your wife.
   
   Mrs. Grains was always so kind to me. She would make certain that I didn't leave your house without a plate of brownies or a loaf of banana bread. Her baking was the best! I would encourage her to open her own bakery but she'd tell me to 'shush' although I'd see a little wink in her eye."
   
   Once you're happy with your practice writing then copy it onto the sympathy card. It helps to work out your message on scrap paper first. This allows you to gather your thoughts and make changes without smudging the card.
   
   Your personal memories shared with the bereaved, although sometimes uncomfortable to write, will be held close and remembered for a long time.

Tips & Warnings

• If your purchased sympathy card has a pre-printed message add your own personal message, too. Your personal touch will mean so much to the bereaved.
• People often think that it's kinder not to mention the deceased by name. Mostly, this is not the case.
• Don't write about negative experiences or information the deceased had told you in confidence.
• Don't use humor in your message unless it's in the retelling of something sweetly funny the deceased had done or said. Then make certain you end your message with gentle compassion.

[wkeyser]

on 1/19/2009 A very poignant and helpful article. Thanks.