How to Stop Being Too Nice
Of course we should all strive to do nice things for other people. Being considerate and helpful when it is needed to each other is what brings peace and happiness to ours and each others lives. However, it is possible to be too nice.
If you find that you constantly do nice things for others at the expense of yourself, have difficulty saying no and feel taken advantage of in the process, then you may be a people pleaser who is just too nice to others.
Many people pleasers become overly helpful to others in hopes to gain acceptance, appreciation, or returned favors. Being a people pleaser can lead to a lot of discontent and resentment within a relationship.
Here I will provide some tips for finding a healthy balance in your efforts to be helpful to others while practicing assertiveness in saying no when it is appropriate to do so. As with any habit we want to change, these techniques must be repeated many times before we become more comfortable with our assertiveness at saying no.
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Instructions
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Be sure that you take care of yourself first. You're being too nice if you find that you constantly take care of others while neglecting yourself and your own tasks. I don't mean this in a selfish way. But if you don't take care of yourself it depletes your energy and deteriorates your mood. You can not possibly take care of others very well if you're not taken care of. Put being a people pleaser on hold while you make being responsible for yourself a priority. There is truly nothing wrong with saying no because you have your own responsibilities to tend to.
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Don't be afraid to say no to something you truly do not wish to do. If you can't be assertive enough at saying no when you are asked to do something that you don't want to do, then you are being a people pleaser who is being too nice. We all have our limitations, so be assertive and learn not to stretch yourself so thin. Find your limits when it comes to helping others and use your assertiveness to keep yourself within those boundaries.
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By being so willing to jump in to help and bail others out, whether they ask for it or not, we keep them from learning, developing and growing within their own lives. If you rescue others from their own actions and the consequences of those actions, you're focusing on being way too nice and on being a people pleaser. The problem with rescuing others is that they'll either expect that you will always save them or they will resent you for holding them back from saving themselves. The greatest thing you can do for others is to let them practice assertiveness to overcome their own obstacles, develop their own problem solving skills and reach their own potentials. They'll be better off for it!
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When you do decide to do something nice, do it because it's what you want to do with no expectations in return rather than because you feel you have to do it. This is a way to find a balance in your assertiveness to be nice without being too nice and crossing boundaries that end up negatively affecting you. If you practice being nice when you truly want to do so, you'll end up feeling better about the things you do choose to do for others.
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Be assertive by not allowing others to talk you into making decisions you don't feel good about. Some people are users that seek out people pleasers and are only in your life as long as you let your self be too nice so that they can keep getting you to do what only benefits them. You don't need these type of people and you'll find that you're actually better off without them or at least to be assertive by putting firm boundaries in place with them.
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Tips & Warnings
As with any habit we want to change, these techniques must be repeated many times before they become our new habit.
Resources
- Photo Credit www.sheknows.com, fivecentstencents.blogspot.com, www.homemadecraftszone.com
