Things You'll Need:
- Den
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Step 1
First things first: Bears don't actually hibernate, because their body temperature and metabolism aren't lowered significantly during their "denning," and they still can be awakened. So, hibernating like a bear means you can still set an alarm clock to wake you each Thursday when The Office is on.
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Step 2
Prepare for your long winter's nap by piling on some extra pounds. Fortunately, you gorged yourself at Halloween, Thanksgiving and the holidays, and have plumped up quite nicely. Experts say bears eat up to 20 percent of their weight in food each day before hibernating, adding as much as 5 pounds per day. So finish off that last fruit cake--you can just sleep it off.
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Step 3
Look for a cozy couch, I mean, cave. But before you settle in, take one last trip to the rest room. Hibernating bears don't take any bathroom breaks while sleeping--for weeks.
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Step 4
Close your eyes and drift off until the temperature rises to above 40 degrees. By March, you'll be plenty hungry. Oh, and keep in mind that your winter fur will start to fall off in clumps when you wake up. It could put a damper on your plans for spring break on the beach.
Comments
susibelle said
on 9/23/2009 Janice, you are a hoot. I love your sense of humor. Great article!
cheyennequiet said
on 4/28/2009 I always wanted to sleep like a bear. I could sleep until winter is over. great article. LOL
leaper said
on 4/21/2009 Hibernating like a bear sounds like a great idea.
eliptica said
on 3/3/2009 That would be so nice...If I could sleep that long. Thanks for the funny article.
kabney said
on 3/1/2009 You're hilarious!