How to Be a Hipster

This article is necessary for so many reasons too numerous to mention, so I'll lay it out for you in black and white. Hipsters:what and who they are as defined by yours truly. In order to address this I must first tell you how I came about wanting to know this. I was working for a publishing house in Manhattan doing basic layout design when I was canned. They bounced me from the project. I had no idea why. There I was in my pink oxford, khakis and penny loafers, sunny as the day is long and quintessentially preppie as was the rage in my days at school. Perfection in publishing - or so I thought. But the design world in NYC had changed. I'd been traveling and somehow missed this particular voyage, and so much about design is not only the work you do - which is penultimate, but also the way you look and your style. As I was finding my way out the door and back on to East 44th street, I asked the zombie at the reception desk what the problem was? I noticed that everyone in the office were clad in black but I thought that someone had died or something. She took one look at me and said, "the trouble is, you aren't deck enough and you're too old and it's too late to learn." I lost a high paying gig because I wasn't "deck" enough. What did this mean? What could she mean? Did I stop being an artist because of what I was wearing? My uniform was all wrong. Hipters are the most sought after demographic in the world. Every ad agency alive wants them to buy. They are the savoir-faire set. They've always existed. Jack Kerouac was the first to term the word Hip or hipster. He wrote the book, "On The Road" and a whole new generation was born. What he defined wasn't new to us, it was just put into words, much the way the gay dance clubs of Queens, NY in the 70's became Saturday Night Fever and thusly produced the "Disco" generation. But I digress. Come along with me and we will take you on this quest to be "in the know, especially concerning hipsters."

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• This article
• Ability to forget what you think you know
• Your own path
• Creativity
• A willingness to let go
• Music
• Attitude
• Spirit
• Irony

1. 

   Keorouac is the father of the words that defined the beat generation. Read his book, "On The Road" to get the vibe and see what is behind the eyes of every true hipster. From his book he will lead you to other writers who will take you on the hipster journey.

2. 

   Deny you are a hipster. Hipsterhood follows along the same line as one of Anselm's Arguments for the existence of God, the Onturlogical argument, suffice it to say, in order to be a hipster, you must first deny the existence of hipsters, and thusly in that denial you are admitting there are hipsters to be denied, thusly being one.

3. 

   Change your thought. You have to get out of the conventional box. You have to be a free thinker marching to your own beat. You can't really care what others think about you. You have to be you, your own person.

4. 

   Find your passion, find your art. Being true to your art is by and large a big part of being this. You must bury yourself in your passion be it paint or music or macrame. You must live it, be it, think it, do it. Whatever it is. An hipster once told me that she was this way because she could be no other way..and that if you cut her she would bleed acrylic. And I believe she would.

5. 

   Wardrobe. Hipsters are the future of fashion. They mix patterns and material. But they know what they are doing. It seems casual and lack luster, but there is a method to their madness. Know the trends and buck them but follow. Eventually you will find your own style, but in the beginning follow hipster fashion. Get the magazines, the websites and know. Every good artist knows the fundamentals of art. They may paint modern but they know classic. The same for dance or music..know the basics. Do your homework. And buy some skinny jeans. And if all else fails, bury yourself in a black outfit from the 40's or the 70's. Black is quintessientally cool, deck, hip..or whatever new term they come up with for being in the know. You can do this.

6. 

   Irony: HIpsters are famous for contrary. They'll use words like happy for miserable, sad for pathetic. This isn't new. This stems from Liverpool where cockney for going up the stairs would be going up the apples and pears, or wife would be "my trouble and strife." Similar yet different, but I think you get it. If you want to learn the lingo of hipsters, hang in the East village or the Lower East Side and listen. You'll catch on that kale means money and deck means cool and fin means finished, etcetera. But eventually if you follow my instructions people will be quoting words you make up. And when you start using words they don't know, then they will follow you. Pity there are so many psuedo wannabees. They try to hard. You'll spot them. They are amusing to have around, like lava lamps or kitchy furniture from the 60s, but hey don't get it, and you will, because at the heart of every true hipster is their art, their irony because they live in a world that never quite gets them, and their love, because hipsters (and this is a little know fact) are very loving of mankind.

7. 

   Find a cause. Every good hipster knows that they have to erase their carbon footprint. This is one of the reasons they avoid multi-national corporations like the plague and shop at thrift stores and bike everywhere, or drive a used smallish car. Work at something for the good of humanity and you will well be on your way to being a hipster and not being one at the same time!

Tips & Warnings

• You will lose your preppie friends, be prepared
• Change what you eat. Eat to live not live to eat
• Buy a pair of skinny jeans
• Listen to all kinds of music, especially obscure groups. Promote them, make them popular, then let them go and find new music
• be ironic -that cool detached state of being (look it up in the dicitonary)
• don't listen to preppies
• don't listen to your parents advice about "why you wearin' so much black"
• don't listen to top 40
• be pro-active
• avoid negative people, places and things
• avoid poser hipsters
• avoid the term hipster, and deny knowing what it is at all costs
• coffee, not pop
• skinny, not boot - straight if you can't get skinny
• if you have to ask, don't. Research alone and on your own. find a good reading closet.