How to Survive Having a Teenager

Once in a great while, ok occasionally, alright often; oh lets be honest, everyday I wonder which one of us will survive my daughters Adolescence! I worry more often these days as her younger brother is fast approaching the "teen years" and the "baby" is well into the "preteen" years. I am aware that in less than three years I will have three teenagers in my home. OY!

As my daughter argues with me lately, I have started to step back. Listen a closer. I recognize that the key to surviving your child's adolescence begins with recognizing that are maturing, even if sometimes the two year old inside still rears its ugly head, and they are working to achieve their independence. There is the adolescent dilemma of needing to both pull away from parent, and to make sure parent is there if necessary. Just as we let them take their first steps away from us and explore we need to allow for the development of this future adult.

There is a fine line to parenting in general, but when it comes to surviving our children's adolescents the moments of doubt are stronger than ever. There are some easy steps you can take to insure your sanity and allow for the budding of this unique flower.

If this is your first go round with a teenager, begin by remember your own adolescence as best you can and the feelings you were struggling with at the time. Though it is a different day and age and teens today really do have a different set of stressors, the basic struggles remain the same. Read up on adolescents, who they are and what behaviors tend to be "typical" as well as what ones should raise the red flags.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Patience!

1. Start talking to your child before the onslaught of puberty and the physical changes that will occur. If you are open and not embarrassed your child will feel freer to ask questions and even confide in you. I am always grateful I was so open with my daughter. There is a tremendous relief when she feels she can tell me what honestly as a teen, I would not have dreamed of revealing! The earlier those lines of communication are opened the better chance there is of keeping them open

2. Pick your battles. It is a tough one but very important. Teens like to try to shock their parents so requests to wear outrageous things or dye one's hair blue are common. Think before saying no. Is it such a big deal? If it really is, or violates some family custom/tradition then fine. But for those without those kinds of traditions, if it is temporary and harmless then perhaps giving permission is ok. It is a lot better than your child choosing alcohol, drugs or tobacco.

3. It is important in this adolescent survival game that we as parents maintain our expectations. Though they will grumble, and sometimes loudly, they need to know that we are still in control and expect good grades, acceptable behavior and the continued following of all the house rules.

Tips & Warnings

• Watch what your child is doing and reading, but respect their privacy as well. Again it is a fine line but it is vital to be aware of what is going on their lives, set limits, but hold sacred their phone calls and rooms. We may know what disaster lays behind the closed door of their bedroom but hey, I had wall to wall carpeting in my room, and only discovered it when I packed the cloths on the floor to move out!
• Keep an on warning signs that your adolescent is having difficulties and might need professional help. There are always ups and downs with teenagers but if behaviors that are of concern to you last more than a couple months, it may be time to have a professional evaluation done. Watch of sleep issues, extreme weight gain or loss, severe mood swings, problems at school with behavior, falling grades, talk or even jokes about suicide and possible drug or alcohol use.
• Above all, TALK to your adolescent. Get to know who they are now, who they are becoming as individuals, what their hopes, dreams and desires are and what they think about their world. Be open, be honest and respect them as individuals. These are little ones we brought into this world and who we will send out into the world. Be a partner in their growing up as well as a parent and love them even on those days when they are not quite so lovable! The good news is, after adolescences is adulthood!