How to Help Someone After The Loss of a Family Member

Helping someone cope with the loss of a loved one takes time.

When a person loses a loved one due to death, the range of emotions can cause those left behind to need help in dealing with the loss. Help someone who has recently suffered a devastating loss get through by making yourself available. Even talking to someone when they need a shoulder to lean on can help make the transition back to normalcy easier.

Things You'll Need

• Notebook
• Journal and pen set
• Flowers, candy, cards or other small token
• Gift cards

Instructions

1. Call the person immediately upon hearing about the loss of their loved one. Understand the person may not be able to or wish to speak with anyone. However, leave a message so he is aware you called.

2. Send a card or letter of condolence to the person immediately following the loss of a loved one. Write a personal note inside the card offering your sympathy. Note in the card or letter that you are available if he needs someone to talk to. Put your contact information in the card or letter, even if the person already has that information.

3. Attend the funeral or memorial service of the departed to show your support. Talk to the person briefly at the service but do not engage in a lengthy conversation, as the person may have many other people to attend to during the event. Walk up and simply tell the person you are sorry for their loss and extend the offer for him to contact you any time. Offer a hug or kiss on the cheek, depending on your relationship with the person.

4. Call the person one to two days after the services and leave a message if he does not answer. Send an email if you prefer to communicate in written form. Avoid text messaging the person, as this is an impersonal way to contact someone mourning the loss of a loved one.

5. Ask the person if you can come visit to talk. Let the person tell you which days and times work best for him. Understand that depending on the situation, the person may have legal issues and paperwork to contend with in the aftermath of the loss. Arrive on time for all visits that have been planned. Avoid popping in or making surprise visits in the weeks immediately following the death.

6. Call the person at least once per week to see how he is doing. Offer to take him to breakfast, lunch or dinner. Suggest outings to lift the person's spirits such as taking in a movie, going for a walk or hike, or attending a musical or theatrical performance. The person may not feel like going out in public for an extended period of time, however, continue inviting the person to events. Ask the person to come to your home for dinner or drinks every week if he does not want to leave his house. Offer to pick him up and drop him off if he is still emotionally unstable and does not feel like driving.

7. Offer to help the person attend to affairs such as shopping. If the person has small children, volunteer to babysit the children on an evening so the person can do something for himself.

8. Send follow-up flowers or cards approximately one month after the loss. Understand that it takes a long time to recover from a loss and you should be patient as the person heals in his own time and manner. Sending flowers or gifts after the immediate round of condolences has ceased to let the person know you are thinking of them.

Tips & Warnings

• Keep an eye on the person's behavior over time and watch for signs of clinical depression and talk to other friends and family members if you are concerned for the person's safety or well being.

• Do not force your opinion or presence on someone who is grieving. Know when to back off and give the person time alone to heal.

References

• Help Guide: Supporting a Grieving Person
• Kids Health: Helping Your Child Deal with Death
• National Association of School Psychologists: Helping Children Cope With Loss, Death, and Grief