How to Be a stepmom without losing your mind

Being a stepmother can be a rewarding experience.

Marrying a man with children means you automatically become a stepmother, but whether you are the evil stepmother of fairy tales or the cool step-mom children hope for is not set in stone. Keeping your sanity while helping to raise children who may or may not appreciate your presence in their family can prove challenging. If the children's mother is on your side, the transition to stepmother is much easier than if she is bitter about your presence in her children's lives.

Instructions

1. Communicate with both the children's parents. Your spouse will often see any problems as they arise but the children's mother should always be included when trying to help the children adjust to your presence.

2. Discipline the children in the same way that their parents have chosen, if they feel you should discipline at all. You must remain a consistent member of the parenting team even if you have been asked to allow your husband to be the disciplinarian. Going off and disciplining in a way not consistent with the routine can drive a wedge between you and the children.

3. Spend time with the children doing things that they enjoy. If you and your husband only see the children occasionally, ensure that they have access to their father as much as possible. Children will resent you if they think you are hogging their father's attention.

4. Plan family outings that include them. If you cannot schedule a vacation when they are available, do not bring it up in front of them. The children may feel like you do not want them to come versus there just being a scheduling conflict.

5. Encourage your husband to take his children for Daddy-only dates. This is especially important when you first join the family. Younger children will appreciate the time when their father's attention is focused solely on them.

6. Talk to the children's mother regularly, making sure you communicate about her children's visit. If you take an active role in her children's lives in a positive way she may be more willing to work with you versus against you.

Tips & Warnings

• Hold your ground with your stepchildren and you will see them slowly come around and enjoy having you as a member of their family.

• Do not allow the children to call you mom if their mother is still alive. This is often an issue with very young children or children who live with their father full-time. Doing so can cause resentment with the children's mother and make your job as stepmother more difficult.

References

• The Courage to Be a Stepmom: Finding Your Place Without Losing Yourself; Sue Patton Thoele; 1999