How to Put the Toilet Seat Down

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By Lawrence N
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Put the Toilet Seat Down

In addition to have notoriously bad aim, many men refuse to put the toilet seat down after they pee, even though they know that women find this exasperating. This is something that I had to learn the hard way. This article offers some steps that will help you change this behavior, which in turn will dramatically improve your relationship with your lady-friend.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Step 1

Before reading this, you will no doubt have already done the following steps: Lifted up the toilet seat, demonstrated poor aim while peeing, finished peeing, and flushed (potentially). Your ultimate goal at this point is to complete the process by putting the toilet seat down so as not to piss off your lady-friend. However, this is much easier said than done.
Step 2

The first step at this point is to take inventory of why you have no intention of putting the toilet seat down. Surely it cannot be out of ignorance, because your lady-friend has no doubt scolded you on many occasions for not doing so. Why, then, will you not put it down? Is it because you derive some satisfaction from the alternation with your lady-friend which will no doubt ensue? Is it because if you were to put it down, it would bring to the surface some painful, repressed childhood memory which you don't feel strong enough to face and overcome? Is it because you're afraid that the toilet seat has germs on it, which you jokingly refer to as your lady-friend's "cooties"? Try to think about what is behind your unwillingness to put the seat down.
Step 3

Think about how happy your lady-friend will be if you actually put the seat down. Think about how much more likely she will be to give you hugs, and kisses, and playful little taps on your nose with her index finger. Think about the joy that you will be providing to another human being whom you claim to love so very, very much. Allow those feelings to penetrate deep into your heart, and see if you can start moving your hand in the general direction of the toilet seat, but don't touch it just yet.
Step 4

Try to use visualization techniques to imagine yourself putting down the seat. Don't actually do it, though. You won't be ready for that until Step 7. Just close your eyes, and remind yourself that you are in a totally safe place. The bathroom door is locked, and no one can see you. Visualize yourself putting down the seat, and take note of what special feelings come up for you. Sometimes these feelings may be hard to put into words, since our language is so very limited in expressiveness. Just feel the feelings, and breathe mindfully.
Step 5

Note that you may be subconsciously afraid that if you were to actually put the seat down, your lady-friend will use that as an opportunity to chastise you even more. Perhaps she will be sarcastic, and address you as though you are some impostor who is impersonating you. Perhaps you have reason to believe that she will simply deny you the room that you need to grow, and so you'd rather just continue to play the part of the stereotypical man who doesn't put the seat down. Just think about all these things, and see what comes up for you.
Step 6

At this point you are probably ready to try putting the seat down. Your hands may be shaking from fear, and that is OK. You might even become overcome with emotion and shed a tear. That is OK, too. It is all just a natural part of the growing process. It doesn't make you less of a man, it makes you more of one. Take a slow, deep breath. Perhaps take a moment to close your eyes, and picture yourself standing in a peaceful meadow next to a lovely stream. Just try to center yourself spiritually, and don't lose sight of the fact that you are making a noble effort to do what countless millions of men have tried to do before you and failed. Your effort alone is an accomplishment that is not to be minimized.
Step 7

Take one final deep breath, and just go for it. Throw caution to the wind, and put the seat down. Then look away and hide your face and cry if you need to. It's OK. You did it. That was really, really hard. Take as much time as you need to compose yourself before leaving the safety and security of the bathroom.
Step 8

It is now very important that you not brag about your accomplishment to your lady-friend. She might notice it, and she might not. She might say something sarcastic, or she might just say, "Thanks for putting the seat down." You can use this as an opportunity to apologize for your poor bathroom etiquette up to this point. Resist the temptation, however, to make any promises about being able to continue putting the seat down in the future. You are only human. Take one step at a time. This was a really big day for you. Treat yourself to something special, and remember that tomorrow is a new day. Will you be able to put the seat down again the next time? The matter is in your own hands.

Comments

drtim said

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on 8/16/2009 Here's my take on it: http://www.ehow.com/how_5304944_deal-leaves-toilet-seat-up.html

on 8/16/2009 I decided to give this method a try and figured maybe a few beers first would help me work through my fears. But that backfired and just ruined my aim and made me forget to put the seat up! Now I'm really in deep doo doo and have to pee off the back porch from now on.

LissaK said

on 2/16/2009 Bravo! hahaha, this had me laughing so much, you've turned this little problem into a sort of dramatized script and I love it, it's like art! "it's okay to cry if you need to" Love this article.