A feat once thought impossible, now just may be possible given you carefully follow these easy yet somehow difficult steps. Believe it or not there a surprising number of people that don't know how to do this. I understand some of you are scared and this is quite normal, but I assure you there's nothing to fear.
Things You'll Need
- If this is your first time doing this, You'll probably need someone to hold your hand. Safety is not an accident!!!
- Eye protection
- Latex gloves
- Willingness to learn
Step one I think everyone really knows how to do... Acknowledge that your roll of toilet paper has become empty. Don't stop yet, this is just step one. The toilet paper has not been replaced yet. Hang in there. There's just a couple more steps.
Step two... Don't panic. This kinda stuff happens all the time. Yes it probably is your fault, but that's just not the issue right now. Or is it? I know you people have a plan for times like this and I don't think I want to know what it is. So lets proceed to step three.
Like it or not. This situation is going to have to be resolved. You're going to have to man up. Don't bother with that little piece of toilet paper (that'll get messy). Your going to have to put the wipe on hold and pull up your pants. Unless nobody's home ha-ha.
Reach for the bathroom door knob. Turn the knob then pull. So you can temporarily leave the bathroom. Leave the door open so you can get back in quickly.
Now here's where you have got to rush. Run to the predetermined storage facility and open it up. Hopefully finding some full new rolls of toilet paper. If it's not in there then I don't really know what to tell you... but lets assume your storage facility is as well stocked as mine. Cause I've got a ton. Look at all that toilet paper. You'd think it would last you a year, but somehow it barely last you a week. Anyways... you're at the toilet paper.
Now with either your right or left hand reach out and pick up a roll of some of that oh so magnificent- the best stuff they Ever made two ply- take it for granite, now you left hand it- toilet paper and run back into the bathroom making sure to shut the door behind you.
Now that you're back in the bathroom you need to remove the center shaft from the toilet paper holder. You can do this by grabing the spring loaded shaft and pushing it into itself making it shorter. Now with the shaft shortened lean the shaft away from the fixture. Now you take the empty cardboard tube off the spring shaft and throw it in the trash. Now's a good time to get familiar with the shaft that holds the toilet paper. It's really kinda cool if you're into that kinda thing. There's a spring in there, so it always tries to spread apart. I take mine to work sometimes to show my friends. They don't think it's as cool as I do, but who needs friends when you've got a toilet paper holder.
Now with your new roll of toilet paper siting on your sink slide the spring shaft into the center of the roll. You won't regret it, this is where it starts to get action packed. Not really, but you're almost done. Now carefully pick up the assembly and proceed to reinstalling it to you fixture. Start by putting one end in first. Squeeze in the spring shaft. Align the other end up with the corresponding hole and slowly release the spring... thus making it fastened to the fixture.
When it's all done it should look exactly like this. Notice how the toilet paper unrolls twords the front. If yours isn't looking like mine then you did it wrong, and you need to flip that thing over 1 good turn.
Now just Wipe your self up. If you followed my instructions step by step then you haven't wiped yet. Which is cool cause you followed my steps perfectly, but it's still kinda nasty cause you've been doing this project the whole time with mud butt.
Tips & Warnings
- Try stocking a couple of rolls under your sink in the bathroom. That'll make the process run a lot smother next time.
- If somehow a washcloth was used in this process, don't flush it!!! "I've heard" it will clog up your toilet and flood your bathroom. Making for a real crappy day.
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