How to Let Hard Financial Times Bring You Closer Together

Money is often cited as a hot button topic for couples. Even in strong economic times, words like "income," "budget," "investment," "savings," "bills" and "spending" can cause tension in a relationship. Not to mention all those unconscious beliefs we each hold about money that turn what should be simple, rational conversations into emotional minefields. Hard financial times needn't rip you and your sweetheart in two. In fact, if you are dedicated to work compassionately and reasonably with your partner, these times can actually bond you tighter. Let these tips inspire you to do just that.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Remember that no matter what happens, first and foremost, you and your partner are a team. You must work together. You must have faith in one another. You must be kind. Do not, under any circumstances, turn your partner into your enemy during a financial discussion.

2. Acknowledge the emotional charge surrounding money. In theory, dealing with money should be as simple as a mathematical equation; in reality it isn't as cut and dry as adding up dollars and cents.

3. Be honest and upfront about your situation. While you may want to run for cover or stick your fingers in your ears and sing, "I can't hear you," ignoring your money situation will not make the scary numbers go away.

4. Discuss, discuss, discuss, discuss. Where can each of you cut back on spending? Is there a way either or both of you can increase your income? Are there any creative solutions you haven't thought of yet? What are your money fears? What are your life priorities? Do you need to drastically change your living habits in order to stay on top of your current financial situation?

5. Make a game plan and implement it like a game. In her book, "Not Buying It," author Judith Levine chronicles the year that her and her husband went without buying anything beyond the bare essentials. They learned to find new forms of entertainment when they could no longer go out to dinner and movies with friends, developed a stronger connection with their community, lost weight, lost stress, paid off their credit cards, built up their savings account and came out more connected through the process. What surprise treasures can you and your partner find along the way?

6. Hold up your end of the deal. Do what you say you will do, whether that's to stop spending on clothes, music, bike parts or lunches.

7. Move forward one day at a time. Financial struggles are not solved overnight. Keep your eyes on your big goals and have faith that the financial tides will turn.

Tips & Warnings

• Do count your blessings. If you still have a roof over your head and food to eat, you are lucky and better off than many in our country and the world.
• Do keep perspective. They don't say, "The best things in life are free" for no reason.
• Don't blame yourself or your spouse. But...if your partner has a spending problem that is out of control, seek professional help, and remember that first and foremost, you must take care of yourself.

[saravalor]

on 8/19/2009 Oh, this is a great topic and an excellent article that can help many couples. Thanks for sharing!

[ct825876]

on 8/19/2009 I like #2 a lot, especially in a home where one spouse works and the other stays home with the kids. Having been laid off, I feel guilty for causing our financial problems but I also feel a bit resentful that my hubby always has $ on him but I have to get through the week with 2 kids to entertain with no money.

[STUFFellaneous]

on 1/28/2009 Very Nice!

[MariM]

on 1/20/2009 I needed these tips. Thanks good article

[momsrule]

on 1/19/2009 Awesome! Such a concise article, but packed full of Very important information and tips. I love the beginning...remembering you're a team...Thanks