Things You'll Need:
- A cab
- Three rowdy friends
- Tequila
- Revealing clothes
- A memorable toast
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Step 1
Do not dress professionally. If you are a woman wear something revealing be sure to strut your stuff. If you’re a guy dress like a used car salesman from the 70’s. If you have any chest hair be sure to show it off. Accentuate with a gold chain. Get creative with your attire. Whatever you wear make sure that it changes the perception that you are a competent professional.
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Step 2
Do some pre-partying with your friends, tequila shots work great. Make sure you are hammered before you go to the party. If you are not a drinker splash tequila on your shirt then fake it for the rest of the night. Arrive in a cab with at least 3 of your rowdiest friends. Be sure to stumble when you get out of the cab. Do not ask if it’s ok for you to bring a friend or two to the office party just push your way through the door. Tell your friends it’s an open bar. Sit back and wait for an argument to ensue.
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Step 3
When you arrive go directly to the bar and order three shots of anything. Yell “shots on me!” then splash all the shots in your face. Be sure to miss your mouth completely and lick your lips afterwards.
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Step 4
Gossip about all of the other employees. If you have any scandalous stories be boisterous when you tell them. Try to be as obnoxious as possible. Laugh hysterically at every joke you hear.
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Step 5
Toast yourself. (Pretend to be drunk are actually be drunk for this one) Tell everyone all of your greatest accomplishments this year. At the end of your toast chug a bottle of beer and clap for yourself then puke.
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Step 6
You want to come in Monday morning and have people look at you in a whole new way. If you do everything listed above I guarantee you will have made a total ass of yourself at the office holiday party. Good luck.
Comments
cherold598 said
on 1/5/2009 I love your sense of humor, and I can't wait for the next office party.