How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship

Long distance relationships are tough, but there are ways to make the time spent apart much easier to handle. Overall, having patience and working on the relationship together is the key to a successful long distance relationship.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Patience
• Daily contact
• A set goal and plan

1. First off, think of the long-term goal. When will the long distance be over? Do you have a certain date in mind? In some situations it’s impossible to set a particular date, but even a month or year will do. If your set back is money, try to set a goal together as to how much money you’ll need in order to move closer to each other. As long as you have that end in sight, it will be much easier to adjust to the distance.

2. Establish a way to contact each other daily. Some couples can talk on the phone multiple times a day; some only have emails or IMs. It all depends on your situation. If possible, plan out when you can talk each day and for how long. It helps to research phone plans and different ways to contact each other. Just assess your situation and figure out what’s best for you.
   Make sure you contact each other daily, no matter what, even if you have to write a letter.

3. Plan out your future visits. When will you both be available to see each other? Plan your days off, figure out how much money it will cost, which method of transportation would be least expensive, etc. Visit often, and, if possible, make a calendar of days you can see each other. Talk about your future together, near or distant.

4. Find ways to fill the distance. Believe it or not, there are several things you can do together other than just talk on the phone or IM. Play games together online, rent the same movie and watch it together over the phone, cook the same dinner together, read a book together, watch TV together, etc.

5. Once you’ve set goals, planned future visits, and have both gotten used to your routines, the distance should be much easier to handle. However, there are some things you should still keep in mind: trust, communication, and intimacy.
   Trust: No relationship is easy without a solid foundation of trust from both partners. Lack of trust can make a long distance relationship much harder than it has to be. Avoid jealousy, and know that you can trust your partner.
   Communication: Contact is only one part of the equation; you both have to be open and honest with each other. Talk about how you feel, talk about your relationship. Neither of you can get through this relationship without each other.
   Intimacy: Intimacy doesn’t mean sex alone, it means romance. The distance doesn’t give you an excuse to lack romance; there are still so many things you can do over the phone or online to keep the spice going.

6. Stay optimistic! Keep looking forward to your visits and work toward your long-term goal. Whether its money or time keeping you apart, do all you can to prepare yourselves for being together again. Always keep your future in mind; looking forward to the future makes the time apart go so much faster.

Tips & Warnings

• If you are not able to talk on the phone due to the cost, look in to internet phone service such as Vonage or Skype. Skype offers internet phone service for a fee depending on where you’re calling to, and Vonage offers the same service internationally for $25 a month. Both companies offer a variety of services, so look into both of those to find something that will fit your situation.
• If you’re limited to only emails or IMs, you can try to liven it up a bit by sending each other voice or video messages with a microphone and/or webcam. Most IM services offer voice chat for free, so if you both have microphones, you can have the internet’s equivalent of a phone conversation.
• Don't fret about the negative things, think about the positives. A long distance relationship can be the best way to start out a relationship, because it requires so much trust and communication, things that every relationship needs. Think about the way it feels when you finally get to be together after a long period of time. Imagine how it will be when you're finally together for good.
• Try going to Lovingyou.com for some ideas on how to keep romance alive in a long distance relationship.
• Life doesn’t pause for a long distance relationship. If you’re spending as much time together (on the phone or online) as you can but you’re still finding yourself depressed, the best thing to do is distract yourself. Go out with friends, find a new hobby, find something to do that will distract you from feeling down, etc. Don’t let loneliness change your daily life.
• Don’t go into withdraw when you have to separate again. It can be hard to deal with having to leave your love after a visit, but it has to be done, and the only thing you can do is get back on with your life the way it was. It will get much easier once you fall back into a daily routine with your partner.
• Don't let the distance give you reason to be jealous or suspicious. As long as you and your partner are honest and open with each other, you shouldn't have to worry about trust.

Resources

• LovingYou.com

[killabunny]

on 10/29/2009 I am from South Africa and dating someone who lives in California so it can get really hard for us but we take each day as it comes and talk to each other as much as possible!

[karmasutress]

on 7/6/2009 I recently started a LDR for the 1st time...communication and trust are key elements. Planning visits gives us something to look forward to.

[jpersing]

on 5/6/2009 Great tips on surviving long distance relationships! My husband and I had 4 years of long distance relationships, sprinkled with transatlantic visits every 6 months. Now we're together.! 5* Trust and communication are important elements.

[ladyt06]

on 5/5/2009 Although LDRs suck, these are gr8 tips! =-)

[argyle]

on 12/19/2008 I've done this a few times, and used a lot of these tips successfully!