How to To Tell if The Aliens You Encounter Are Going to Hurt You

Everyone needs to know if any space aliens you encounter are going to hurt you. This article gives tips and tricks to avoid a gruesome death.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• A keen eye
• Good legs for running
• Possibly a fire extinguisher

1. 
    
   Bad

   Step one: Analyze the space alien's craft. Has the lifeform emerged from a meteor crater? Or is it coming down a ramp from a spaceship? If the creature has emerged from an meteor crater or other hole in the ground, RUN. Alien lifeforms that emerge from meteor craters and holes are ALWAYS hostile and crave human flesh.

2. 
    
   Bad

   Step two: If the creatures have come from an actual ship, analyze their physiology. Are they humanoid in appearance? Or are they insectoid or reptile like? If they are insectoid, reptilian, or generally non-humanoid, RUN. Non-humanoid aliens are always going to hurt you. Or eat you.

3. 
    

   Step three: If they are humanoid, are they attempting to communicate? If the aliens aren't trying to communicate, RUN. Lack of communication from alien species is a bad sign -- it indicates they consider humans to be unimportant. They have obviously come to earth to colonize it, and use humans for slave labor or food.

4. 
    

   Step four: If the aliens are attempting to communicate with you, watch how they are doing it. If they are using any kind of non-verbal communication or telepathy, RUN. Telepathic aliens are notorious intergalactic sociopaths and probably have a "How to Cook Humans" Cookbook on board their ship. They will invariably set you up and then take over your mind with their mental powers.

5. Step five: If the humanoid aliens are communicating with you verbally, you can talk to them. However always be on the lookout for weapons, medical devices, or hidden telepathy powers. Many aliens like to pretend that they are not going to hurt you just to lull you into a sense of safety... then BOOM, they start probing you.

6. 
    

   Keep these points in mind at all time, because they are how to tell if the aliens you encounter are going to hurt you.

Tips & Warnings

• If the Army begins to attack the alien lifeforms, run. The Army routinely gets destroyed by alien creatures -- and you will be next.
• Projectile weapons may or may not work against aliens that want to hurt you

[rosekolowinski]

on 11/9/2009 What an entertaining article...and a very creative mind! I not sure I would want to turn my back to an alien and it's hard to run backwards! Don't you believe in friendly aliens?

[Surfthetide]

on 7/20/2009 Great fun. I charge them landing fees to land in my yard. They bring Venusian venison sometimes and we grill out. 5* and an R

[davida8575]

on 7/15/2009 Great article! 5*. I love UFOs and aliens. I will have to remember this the next time I go to Roswell or Area 51.

[cclofmead]

on 7/11/2009 Great tips on aliens!! :) 5* rec

[botticelli728]

on 7/9/2009 Might I add, never look directly at an alien spacecraft, as telepathic aliens will sense your presence and head straight for you. 5* and sending to friends.