How to Help Your Kids Cope Going Through a Divorce

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By Jennywrites
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Help Your Kids Cope Going Through a Divorce

Divorce is an awful thing to have to go through for the two involved, but often people forget there are kids going through it too. There are ways to help your children through the divorce, and teach them how to cope.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Step 1

Communicate about the kids, where the kids will go and how often they will see the secondary parent. Do not have this talk in front of the kids. When you come to an agreement then it's time to tell the kids. Be sensitive to what's going on in their lives. If there is something special or important happening for them, choose to hold off on having the conversation till it's finished.
Step 2

Put your disagreements away while your around the children. Find it in your heart to stand one another while the kids are around. Choose to tell the children individually but the two parents there when you tell them.

If there is more than one child, they will most likely take the news differently. You don't want to have one child feed off the other with fear, guilt, or whatever else they may be feeling. Tell them individually.
Step 3

Let them down gently. Remember your tearing their worlds apart. You need to put the pieces back together for them. Help them to understand it's for the better, and that you both love them and everything is going to be ok.
Step 4

Remind the it's not the end of the world and answer any questions they have. Don't make them feel that their questions aren't important. Instead teach them to express their fears, thoughts, and feelings.
Step 5

Stability. Let them know the plan of where they are going, and how often they will get to see the other parent. Let them know the rules, of how things are going to work. Who will be there when they get home from school, where they will go on weekends, and any other fine details they need to know. Remind them it's going to all work out.

Remind them also that both parents love them very much, and they were not the reason for the divorce.
Step 6

After your done speaking with the one child, speak to the next. Go through the same steps.
Step 7

Once separated, both parties will go through the grieving, and may even hate the other spouse. Hold it together during that time and be friendly for the kids sake. Don't make it a nasty divorce no matter how much you "hate" one another.

Once those feelings reside, and it's not over night, try to build a friendship for the kids sake. Friendly phone calls when your speaking about the kids, etc. Try to help one another out. If one needs to do something, pick up the kids for them, etc. By being civil, friendly, etc, you are ONLY benefiting your children.

Comments

brantsbabe said

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on 1/6/2009 It is so difficult for children, but these tips are great.

finsyourfriend said

on 1/3/2009 My wife had parents who divorced when she was very young. It destroyed her world and left a scar that even with time will always remain. As for my wife and I, the word "divorce" has been removed from our vocabulary. Our marriage is not a walk in the park, but man, it is fun!