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Step 1
How to cope when somebody you love has Parkinson’s Disease
When the diagnosis comes that somebody you love has Parkinson’s Disease a multitude of emotions will grip your heart and soul. Concern for the one you love will override any personal feelings you may have but this will only be a temporary sensation and as time goes by you will find yourself immersed in a pool of isolation, disappointment, heartache and often bewilderment.
These feelings are of course perfectly normal. Most people who care for somebody affected by the disease find it easy to put on a brave face for the one they love and indeed the outside world, but it is the silent grief and strain that accompanies that brave face that often weighs heavy on the care giver.
Many people experience different stages when coming to terms with the fact that their loved one will never be the same again. Appreciating and acknowledging the fact that things have irrevocably changed takes time and a lot of soul searching. It is unbelievably difficult to admit to yourself (never mind anybody else) that things have changed, and the permanency of that change is often the most difficult aspect to deal with. Knowing that your husband/father/lover etc will never be the same again is a strain that takes its toll and only those who have experienced a pain like it can ever fully understand.
The problem that you face when you are confronted with Parkinson’s Disease is that it is a very introspective disease: Often the person inflicted with it can only see the damage caused to himself/herself and cannot see the fury and the torment that rages within you, the observer of the disease. Often those diagnosed with the disease feel alone and isolated, and this as a consequence, results in more loneliness for the people around them. When a person who has to deal with tremors, involuntary movements and a host of other ailments takes an active look inwards, who in actual fact can blame them?
But where does that leave the carers, the wives, the husbands, the daughters and the sons of those inflicted? Watching a loved one fade and hurt before your eyes is certainly not easy. Feeling like you are totally helpless as you watch your father/mother etc fail certainly weighs heavy on your soul. But there are things you can do to vent your anger and frustration. -
Step 2
The first thing you can do is accept the fact that things are never going to be the same again. Accepting a different kind of normal is an important step in the process of coming to terms with the entire situation you now find yourself in. This takes time. Sometimes you will want to scream out loud, other times you’ll want to cry and more times you may wish to withhold all emotion and curl up and withdraw from the world. It is important to recognise that all of these emotions are perfectly normal. You are a human being not a machine. Oftentimes in your contact with the loved one affected you will act like a machine and refuse to acknowledge your own emotions in order to help them get through a week, a day, an hour. This too is absolutely normal. Overloading them with your own emotions is certainly not a good idea as they may already be overwhelmed by the enormity of the difficulties they face in their own lives.
Instead, try to talk to other people about your feelings. Invest your time in discussing your emotions with a trusted friend or relative. If you don’t feel like talking to somebody, try writing your thoughts down in a diary. I know one lady who wrote letters to God every time she needed to get things off her chest. God never answered in writing but left an indelible mark in other ways in this woman’s life. It doesn’t really matter who or what you talk to as long as your feelings are fully expressed. This is the most important thing that you must do. You must get your feelings out. Holding them in is totally counterproductive and leads to huge disharmony within you. It leads to anger, rage, resentment, arguments, stress and a million other different needless things. Remember you must eradicate these feelings from your inner self. There must be no room in your soul for these emotions. These emotions cannot do you or your loved one any good. Get them out, in any way you can. Once you recognise the importance of acknowledging the depth of your own emotions you will be free to release them. Once you release them, you are free to be the strong person your loved one needs you to be and you can continue to move forward in your own life. -
Step 3
You must always remember that Parkinson’s does not mean death for the person you care about. You must at all times try to look on the brighter side of the situation. It is fair to question why bad things have happened to you and those around you but while questioning God or whoever it is that you believe in, make sure to take time to look at other people and try to walk a mile in their shoes before you condemn your own set of circumstances.
Life is truly different for us all. What breaks one person, makes another all the stronger. Try to keep a positive attitude in your life. Believe that everything that has been visited upon you are trials that you have the capability to overcome. Try to look beyond the small, biased, somewhat dim picture you may have. Remember that you are not alone. Where you are now others have been and others will come to the path you now try to navigate. Life is difficult. Remember this. All you can do is the best you can with the cards you have been dealt.
Comments
slugger1800 said
on 8/20/2009 My wife has had Parkinsons Disease for over 20 years now.We were married 3 years ago.I have learned enormously not only about her but this Disease also.I will not accept the answer of there is no cure for this Disease.It is a hard road not only for my wife but myself also.I refuse to give up and will do anything to keep her from giving up.God Bless The Gifted And The Very Special People In The World. Ed.