How to Go to Hades

Forget Heaven and eternal peace, haven't you ever wanted to party with the dead down in the bottomless pit of fire for all eternity? If you're looking to make a permanent stop in the Underworld, or kick it with the Prince of Darkness himself, and no we don't mean Ozzy, then this is the guide for you!

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Drugs
• Alcohol
• Condemning Sins

1. Break one of the cardinal sins. The Ten Commandments work great for this. Lying, stealing, and swearing are all a great way to get a ticket straight down below. Killing is on the list too, but I don't recommend this one unless you're up for some jail time as well.

2. Brag about how you're too good to receive eternal punishment. The more sure of yourself you act, the more likely you are to be completely and utterly wrong. No one likes a braggart.

3. Take a trip to Michigan! They boast the wonderful city of Hell, Michigan, and I've even heard tale that it freezes over sometimes. This is a great loophole for those too faint at heart to go all the way.

4. Be mean towards small, adorable children and homeless animals. No one likes a villain. These acts will leave a black mark on your soul forever. Just give them a really mean look; that should do the trick.

5. Join a cult. Seems there are a great variety of them out there these days. Any one of them will probably have you commit suicide after membership and thus send you straight into the lake of fire. Unless of course you join The Cult for Cuddly Animals. That might not do it.

6. If all else fails, put in a request with the Almighty himself. God will have no trouble honoring a request to spend your afterlife baking in a fiery, well, fire. Don't be shy! Step up and ask him.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't go if you're someone who prefers the cold.
• Don't take anything in this article too seriously. After all, humor is the spice of life.