How to Assist a Child in Coping with Divorce

In the midst of a divorce most emotions run on overdrive. Often it becomes difficult to see what is truly important when overwhelmed with details. One area not to be overlooked is children. As much as we as parents wish to protect our children, the environment during a divorce is charged with emotion which does affect a child. This article will touch on methods of providing support to a child experiencing the process of divorce which can be implemented by teachers, family or friends.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Time
• Patience
• Understanding

1. Children have an innate skill at knowing when something is going on. Children are also focused on themselves and how things relate to them. Now, if a child is "protected" from a divorce then a natural tendency would be to interpret the problem as theirs. Parents, believe it or not, are held on a pedastool by children. Children perceive their parents as not having problems. Children need to have it explained that they are not the problem. And this needs to be reinforced often. This does not give you license to trash your spouse/son-in-law/what have you or to get into the details. Children will form their own opinions. The purpose is to ensure the child understands they are innocent. Children need to know a decision such as divorce is independent of the child.

2. The child needs to be assured their relationship with either parent is not in danger. It is not feasible that the relationship will not change. That is a fact of life which occurs with or without divorce. However a child needs to know their place in the family is secure. Adults know divorce does not alter how a parent feels for a child. A child needs to know they will have time with each parent. The activity done during the time is not as important as the time is. Being present in the moment is the key.

3. Parents need to make time to allow the child to share feelings being experienced or to even ask questions. Responses will depend on age and level of appropriateness. Boundaries still exist which need to be reinforced. These boundaries will assist in the development and the maintenance of security. Once again, be present in the moment. It is important to listen to what is being said. When responded give responses which demonstrate listening and interest. This is another key factor.

Tips & Warnings

• It is crucial for the child to know they are safe and secure. Providing stability should be a priority.
• This information is not provided by an expert. These are the opinions of one to be used as they apply.

[writeitout]

on 3/21/2009 Great words of advice, 5*

[sanderdoe]

on 3/2/2009 Great article! I enjoyed reading your helpful, well-written advice for a difficult time. When there is such chaos in life it is hard to remember the children.

[wordstock]

on 2/16/2009 Parents tend to overlook the children in a divorce situation so thanks for the information you provided. 5*

[jtphantom]

on 12/17/2008 Even years later it can be hard for younger children to deal with. When Parenting Time is involved many smaller kids can be frustrated when the non-live in parent has to go or drop them off.

[NakedWriter]

on 12/7/2008 Divorce is something that unfortunately more and more kids are having to cope with. Great article. I would like to add that parents need to put their differences aside and think of the children. There is nothing that burns me more than seeing parents use their children to win their position.