How to Sex Pet Rocks

Unless you have highly specialized and (extremely) expense equipment, there is no way to tell if your pet rock is a boy or a girl. You would also have to know how to use that equipment. Not many people have had the education, training and experience using that equipment to use it properly. Don’t worry. There are still a few ways you can tell if you have a boy or girl pet rock.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. Ask your pet rock. Pet rocks can be quite shy. In all honesty, they are prudes when it comes to such conversations. Work your way up to asking that question; don’t just jump into that touchy subject. Ask about their families. Ask something like “How many brothers and sisters do you have?” Pet rocks are famous for big families. When your pet rock tells how many, follow up with “How many brothers do you have” or “Where are you in the mix?”. Keep asking questions like that until you are able to do the math. Do not embarrass your pet rock.

2. Watch your pet rock’s behavior. Talk to them about “boy subjects” and “girl subjects” to see which ones they are most interested in. It isn’t politically correct, but pet rocks follow very rigid gender roles. Boys will love football, cars, and girl pet rocks. Girls will love ballet, dolls and boy pet rocks. They are highly sexual entities, even at an early age. You can ask them about famous pet rocks and you will probably discover a hidden crush.

3. Contact a geologist. Geologists will have the equipment necessary to sex your pet rock. Be sure the geologist is trained to sex pet rocks. A properly trained geologist will know how to handle the sensitive and private pet rocks. Please stay in the room with your pet rock while it is being examined. It will need your reassurance.

Tips & Warnings

• Because pet rocks are so highly sexual, they should be altered as soon as you know their sex. If you used a geologist to learn the sex of your pet rock and it worked out well for your pet rock, have the geologist perform the spay or neuter.
• Keep pet rocks separate until you know their sexes and have them all altered. If you don’t, you will have a house full of pet rocks. They reproduce faster than most other pets, even mice and rabbits.

[LindaB56]

on 12/14/2008 Great article that produced belly laughs...

[Oktobers]

on 12/13/2008 I love it!

[ashawn]

on 12/13/2008 cute idea!

[TeacherKelly]

on 12/13/2008 Cute.

[jimdris]

on 12/12/2008 Creative hilarity!