How to Say I Love You to a Troubled Kid

Few things are as important as raising a child. When a child is disappointed, worried, upset, troubled, having a bad day or a bad year--how you respond does matter. You can tell a child what to do, but you can't force him. Instructions that come with caring are more powerful. Here are 10 ways to say, "I love you" in ways that inspire children to become responsible, ethical, happy individuals. These simple phrases have magical power to empower children to grow into their potential.

Things You'll Need

• Recognition that you've felt troubled too

Instructions

1. Say, "I believe in you." When a parent believes in the inner goodness of a child and says it out loud, the child is empowered to believe that he is worthy.

2. Say, "You can do it." A child who has an adult cheering her on is fortunate. With adult encouragement she develops the capacity to make it through disappointments. When a child encounters discouragement she will remember the words and keep trying again and again. She won't be defeated.

3. Ask, "What do you think?" When parents ask children's opinions, they send a positive message that children can have a voice in the matters that affect them. Lectures aren't as effective as discussions. Children learn about themselves by expressing point of views and listening to others. Asking the child to contribute to family discussions says, "I respect you." Through such contributions he gains respect for himself and others.

4. Say, "I am proud of you." When a parent is proud of a child, that child is comfortable in her own skin--and that translates to being comfortable in the community and the world at large.

5. Say, "You made a mistake and I will help you fix it." The simple statement: "you made a mistake" teaches the child responsibility for his own behavior and actions. By acknowledging the mistake, you open the door for a solution. That statement followed by: "I will help you fix it" removes potential crippling shame. The child begins to understand that mistakes are natural, but do not define who you are. It's your responses to mistakes that turn things around. These two short sentences send the message that mistakes can be corrected.

6. Ask, "Is there anything I can do to help?" Asking what is needed is the recognition that we're all tender souls in need of assistance. When an adult opens his heart with this compassionate question, the child develops her compassionate tender side and a willingness to lend a helping hand.

7. Say, "Thank you so much." A sincere thank you is enough to make a person feel appreciated. We all need appreciation for the small things that we do that often go unnoticed. Although the child may not show how much a thank you means, parents can be assured that children respond well to acknowledgment and appreciation. Words build self-worth and inspire cooperation.

8. Say, "You're a great person." Our children do not belong to us; we do not own them. This simple phrase acknowledges a child's individuality and his or her potential for greatness.

9. Say, "I trust you." These three words when said over and over again send a powerful message that the child is trustworthy. Even when a child has messed up, the parent must trust him again and again. Trust is distributed from top down. Trust is built on trust. Your trust turns a child trustworthy. A child who messed up can straighten up when a parent steps forward to trust.

10. Say, "I love you." Even though a child may sense that she is loved, hearing those words will leave no doubt. Even if you've never said it, even if your children are grown and have children of their own, you can begin today to let them know how much they mean to you. Say it for their sake and say it for your own sake too. These three words have the power to heal.

Tips & Warnings

• Ask yourself: if this child were me, how would I want to be treated?