How to Resolve Conflicts With Other Parents

Parents whose children play together and attend the same school often have disagreements with each other. When 4-year-old Zack grabbed his buddy Paul's baseball and glove, a fight ensued, but it was not with the kids; it was with the mothers who were pointing out flaws in each other's parenting style. Parents can be like mother lions when it comes to their little ones. When 9-year-old Rachel didn't invite the next door neighbor Allyson to her birthday party, the mothers got so caught up in pointing the finger that they didn't speak to each other for 7 months. While I believe strongly in the value of expressing our opinions and taking a stand, I also believe strongly that there is a time and place for that expression. We all know it; kids learn more from watching what we do rather than what we say. Here are eight ways to approach the other parents when there's a misunderstanding.

Instructions

1. Conduct yourself in a way that reflects the good person and parent that you are. Children will squabble, but with your good example they will learn to resolve conflicts.

2. Be cordial. Show respect by using the person's name: "Nancy, our children had a squabble today and I'm wondering if you have time to talk with me about it?" Use good manners too. Chances are that children will resolve the conflict long before you do, but if they don't, you may need to assist in the negotiation and resolution. If you are behaving badly, they'll likely follow your lead and behave the same way.

3. Expect good things to happen. Tell the other parent what happened or ask the other parent to tell you what happened. Listen closely and summarize what has been said. Emphasize that you are confident that this misunderstanding can be resolved.

4. Listen to the other parent's point of view. Clarify what they stated so that you are sure you understand. Say: "I am so glad to hear your point of view."

5. Keep your emotions in check. Think about it; if everyone went around with their raw emotions pouring forth, shouting, demanding and certain that they were right and that everyone else was wrong, tensions would grow higher and nothing would get solved.

6. Ask for a solution and offer your own. Ask the other parent for suggestions on how to handle the situation. Be sure to make suggestions too. Put your heads together and do what is best for the sake of the children. Don't aggravate the situation by using sarcasm. Don't roll your eyes and sigh.

7. State your opinion directly to the person involved. Be careful about gossiping to parents on the periphery. While you might need support or need to discuss the situation with a neutral third party, it will only add fuel to the fire if you talk with everyone on the block. Keep the drama low.

8. Practice kindness. When you treat all of the parties involved--children and parents--with kindness, you build a bridge of trust. Even though you may not see eye to eye every time, you are relating in a way that encourages cooperation. By being kind even when you disagree, children learn to appreciate differences and gain skills in respecting others.