How to Survive Your In-laws

Have a happy marriage by getting along with your in-laws.

If you thought sustaining a happy relationship with your spouse would be the most challenging aspect of your marriage, you may have been surprised to find that your in-laws can add quite a bit of stress to your relationship. Some in-laws are overbearing, while others disagree with their children's choice of partner. Sometimes, there's just an unavoidable personality clash. To survive your in-laws, it's best to open communication channels with them.

Instructions

1. Build a solid foundation between you and in-laws. Many times, in-laws don't feel entirely welcomed into their child's new family, causing tension and stress. Ensure your in-laws feel they're able to participate in family events, like attending school recitals or even church with your family. Always invite your in-laws to events involving children or other important family milestones, like birthdays and holiday celebrations.

2. Open communication with your in-laws. If you feel there's tension between you and your in-laws, you need to address it head-on and be specific about how you feel. Beware, though, that you may be perceiving problems only you sense or experience, so you'll need to be prepared to discuss ways your in-laws can help to lessen the tension. For example, if you feel your mother-in-law disregards your thoughts and ideas, say you want her to take you more seriously and make an effort to do things you suggest.

3. Set boundaries. Crossing boundaries is often a cause of in-law problems. Your mother-in-law may tell your child it's okay to do something you forbade her to do, for example. Or, your father-in-law may involve himself in your financial affairs. No matter how they're crossing boundaries, set strict guidelines as to what's appropriate and use examples of times they overstepped boundaries so it's clear their past behavior wasn't appropriate. You should involve your spouse in these discussions to direct the pressure away from you and prevent your in-laws from thinking this is just your problem. It's important they see their behavior is impacting the entire family.

4. Address problems when they first occur. If your mother-in-law makes a rude comment, say something right then. It's important that she doesn't feel she can be rude or disrespectful to you for any reason. If she says, for example, "Frank's last girlfriend was such a wonderful woman," respond by saying, "Well, apparently he continued his habits of being with wonderful women when he married me." Keep your response light, and don't get overly defensive, as this can cause a fight.

Tips & Warnings

• Always let your spouse know what problems you're having with his parents so he can support you and even provide advice on how to deal with them.

References

• Dr. Phil: Managing Your In-Laws
• Woman Knows: How to Get-Along with Your Mother-In-Law
• Focus on the Family: Getting Along With Your In-Laws; David Arp, Claudia Arp, John Bell, Margaret Bell