How to Deal With Family Stress During the Holidays

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By SetApart
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Do you want to reduce family stress during the Holidays? Seeing family on special occasions can bring such joy and happiness and add to the beauty of the season, but for many it can create such overwhelming stress.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Step 1

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Boundaries are important: First and foremost, if the prospect of going to a family gathering during the holidays creates debilitating stress, then it is wise to give yourself permission to respectfully decline the invitation. As adults, we get to choose whether we want to participate in family gatherings or not, and if the family history generates too much stress and emotional turmoil, it is perfectly within your rights as an adult to choose not to participate. Make other plans and enjoy yourself!
Step 2

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It's manageable but I'm not looking forward to it: Well, if you are like many, attending a family gathering for the holidays is tolerable, but not much fun. Often, there are weird dynamics that go along with these get-together's that seem to leave you frustrated by the time the pie is served.

In these situations, it is important to examine the source of your frustration before the big family event. If you know what bothers you going into the holiday gathering, you will be much more prepared to deal with it. Does Aunt Matilda always comment on your parenting? Does Grandpa always take his teeth out and put them on the end table after he has just swallowed his last bite of pumpkin pie? What about your mom? Does she play those ridiculous mind games that always leave you frazzled?

Once you determine what or who truly bothers you at these family events, you will be far better prepared to deal with them. Go to these functions with a strong sense of confidence in yourself and make an internal agreement that you are not going to allow anyone to steal your joy as you enjoy your holiday. Having this attitude will empower you and dramatically help deflect the insults and less-than-appealing moments you already know will confront you. You cannot control how other's behave, but you can control your reactions to them.
Step 3

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Support your spouse: Sometimes it is hard enough to face the in-laws at a holiday gathering, but to make matters worse, your spouse unwittingly adds to your frustration by dismissing your concerns and supporting your in-laws at every turn.

Is it time to reprioritize your life? If you know that your spouse has difficulty with your family, you MUST support your partner. Unless your spouse has completely taken a nosedive into nonsenseville, chances are that they have a valid concern that demands your support. Take a stand at a family event and support your spouse when a troubling issue surfaces.

Standing up to family in support of your partner takes guts and assertiveness, especially if you are not in the habit of doing it. However, it will strengthen your bond with your spouse and reduce the extended holiday stress you would experience had you dismissed them.
Step 4

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Remember the reason for the season: Above all, know that the holidays have a far greater meaning and purpose than a momentary gathering to eat, visit, and watch college football. Change your focus if necessary and make a point, despite any challenging family dynamics, that you will celebrate the many blessings in your life.

Life will always present difficulties of some sort, but if you find sincere gratitude for the things and people who make your life special and meaningful, then you have simply won the battle. Being thankful and grateful for your blessings will always diminish the effects of negativity and stress around you.

So, set a new example in your family at your holiday gatherings, and when a stressful moment arises, take it upon yourself to redirect the conversation to a healthy, positive subject and teach them a thing or two about gratitude.

Your family gatherings will become a source of hope for many rather than a source of stress for you.

Comments

OBigDaddyO said

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on 2/4/2009 I find that biting my tongue works wonders, too! No, really, I mean actually chewing the end off! 5* and rrc!

ljstraight said

on 12/12/2008 Great honest information! 5 stars

sneedc said

on 12/10/2008 OMG FLASHBACK!!! I hate when Grandpa puts his teeth on the table after the pumpkin pie is through! GREAT TIPS, too much family is NEVER a good thing