How to Set Boundaries for the Holidays

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By jpwriter
User-Submitted Article

Article Rating: (15 Ratings)

Always know an exit route.

Thanksgiving, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, New Year's Eve...holidays are times when many people get together with their families, friends, or feel pressured to go to work parties. Sometimes this can be very stressful. Setting boundaries this holiday season can help prevent overload.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Step 1

Some people do not need to set boundaries for their holiday functions. Congratulations, that is great! However, other people might need to have a plan. Help a friend come up with boundaries so their holiday plans aren't ruined.
Step 2

Use communication skills. Sometimes the best holiday boundary is saying no. This can be difficult if you feel obligated to make an appearance somewhere, such as a work party, social event, or a family function. Remember, there is nothing wrong with setting boundaries. Saying no to an invite or imposed gathering is healthy. It's better than getting into a situation where you'll likely feel uncomfortable.

Some amount of discomfort is normal around the holidays. If you are refusing parties because you are being a hermit or suffering depression then it might be a good idea to push yourself out the door and get some love from your friends. Boundaries are meant to keep you healthy and maintaining good friendships is part of a healthy lifestyle any time of year.
Step 3

Survey the situation. Depending on the family situation your holiday boundaries will be different. Boundaries are very important when you're a recovering alcoholic or drug addict. Safety is priority number one so if alcohol will be available at your family get together plan ahead. Keep your cell phone handy so you can call or text a friend for support, make sure that you have a non-alcoholic drink so you are not more tempted to go for the alcohol, and let your family know (if they are supportive of your recovery) that you wont be drinking and to not offer anything to you. If you have an alcoholic family and this makes your recovery more difficult then some other boundary setting tips are to limit the time you spend and create an "out" for the evening. Although lying is generally not part of recovery there are times that excuses are necessary to keep your sobriety in tact.
Step 4

If your family situation often ends up in an argument and not fun, then you will need strong boundaries. Write down ahead of time a script to practice setting family boundaries and talk with a friend or role play how you will leave if you feel like things are taking a turn for the worse.

Don't be afraid to use your voice. Practice assertive statements so if you do need to speak up you know you aren't fueling an unhealthy fire.
Step 5

Evaluate the pros and cons of parties. Some people feel obligated to go to parties, especially when it involves work. People may disagree, but you are not bound by contract to go to these parties. In fact, if you tend to get tipsy or loosen up a little bit too much, it might save your job not to go, in which case declining an invitation is in your best interest. If you have to decline a holiday work party and cannot outright say "no" then tell your boss there is a scheduling conflict. You do have the right not to go.
Step 6

Set a time limit to set good boundaries. Setting a time length works well. Arrive late and plan to leave within a short time of a meal or the main event of the party. Always remember that you are in control of your body and your time. When you have healthy boundaries the holidays are much happier times because any negativity can be averted and handled without crisis. Hopefully you will have a happy holiday season.