How to Sustain a Long-Distance Relationship

Anyone who has ever been involved in a long-distance relationship knows that distance only makes the heart grow fonder when distance is not the norm. However, it is not all bad and there are limitless things you can do to make a long-distance relationship both fulfilling and feel “normal.” There are so many circumstances that cause people to be separated from their significant other, such as military deployment, relocation because of work or school, and the introduction of new relationships via social networking websites. Most of us have been involved in some kind of long-distance relationship with family, friends, and business associates, but undoubtedly, the hardest to maintain is a romantic long-distance relationship. As with any relationship, communication, trust, routine, surprise, and memories are important aspects that will keep the relationship fresh and healthy. I would like to give some ideas and pointers to making your long-distance relationship (or possibility of such a relationship) much more tolerable and (hopefully) enjoyable.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Patience
• Willingness
• Understanding

1. Communication -
   It’s redundant of every relationship article to point out that communication is an extremely important part of the longevity of any relationship, but it seems every relationship article is correct. Communication becomes even more critical in a long-distance relationship. However, there are many people who don’t find it necessary to communicate about their wants and needs or about every feeling or thought they’ve ever had. If you’re one of the lucky ones who have a partner who says everything you need them to say all the time, skip to step two. For the rest of us, it’s not as hard as it seems (but it can be more grueling than seems necessary). One important rule is to lead by example. Whatever you need them to say or do, say or do it first. If they don’t catch on, tell them that you need whatever it is and explain why it is important to you. Many misunderstandings occur in relationships because one party expects the other to know how to please him or her without ever telling the other about this need. Don’t allow failed expectations to occur without expressing to your partner what you need and expect in the first place.

2. Trust -
   Long-distance relationships require a level of trust that sometimes can feel inhuman. We are all different because of our personal experiences, by how much we are able to trust others (especially those closest to us). Communicate with your partner on what makes you feel uncomfortable and try to limit (or eliminate) activities that makes your partner uncomfortable. Again, lead by example. No one likes to feel that they are on a leash, but when you are unable to be with the person in certain activities or see them afterwards, it’s imperative that everyone feels comfortable. Most importantly, never allow yourself to seem unavailable. Recurrent unanswered and unreturned phone calls can quickly inspire feelings of insecurity, confusion, and mistrust in your partner. In long-distance relationships, acknowledgment is really the main way of showing that your partner is important to you and deserving of your attention.

3. Be Together When You Aren’t Together -
   Schedule a time to talk every day that is unrestrictive and allows you both to focus entirely on each other. Is there a television show that you both enjoy? Call each other before the show starts and watch it together. This enables you to laugh together and comment during the commercials. How much different is it when you both watch the same show together on the couch? This feeling of togetherness will be something to look forward to every week! With this sort of routine, all other phone calls and activities are more exciting and welcomed surprises. Is there a movie that both of you want to see? Schedule a day or weekend and go see the movie (either by yourself or with a friend) and call each other after both of you have seen it. You don’t talk to each other when you’re together watching a movie do you (please say “no”)? This is another activity that you can do together while you’re apart.

4. “Just thinking of you” -
   In a long-distance relationship, you cannot rely on that unprovoked smile, kiss, or touch to show you that your partner is thinking about you and adores you. Without physical contact, a relationship can start to feel cold and lack excitement. Routine phone calls can start to feel obligatory and boredom can easily set in. What can you do to show your partner that no matter the distance, he or she is always on your mind? Sending a card or e-card is always a quick, inexpensive way to say something nice (and something nice is never cliché)! Perhaps you are in a store and see something that makes you think of your partner or that you know your partner will love. Pick it up and mail it to them! It doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant, because when it comes to a surprising reminder that your partner is thinking about you, it literally is the thought that counts!

5. Visitation -
   Depending on the situation, you may or may not be able to see your partner often. If it is possible to see each other, alternate who visits who, but also schedule vacations where you both go away together. If you do not have the luxury of visiting each other often, invest in a webcam and use it! Whether it is over the computer or in person, take pictures of each other that will remind you of something fun about your time together. Keep these pictures where you can see them every day. When visiting each other, it is normal to feel that you need to get reacquainted. Allow enough relaxation time to enjoy each others’ company but also schedule activities that will provide fond memories of each other to hold on to while you are apart.

6. Above all else, try to focus on the positive things about your partner instead of the negative things about your situation. Long-distance relationships are not ideal for anyone, but if you both want it, you can always work it out!

Tips & Warnings

• When you go out with friends or family, take pictures and send them to your partner. They will feel like they were there with you and will know you were thinking about them.
• It is easy to complain about the situation, but try to keep it to a minimum and focus on future visits or plans together.
• Talk about your friends and activities so that you or your partner do not feel that you lead a "double life."
• Never accuse your partner of doing anything untrustworthy unless you know all the facts and talk to them about it with a level head.
• Don't be hypocritical by setting restrictions on your partner without following those same guidelines.

[Jessums26]

on 11/24/2008 Great advice for anyone! You made something that can seem overwhelming very simple! Thank you!

[bksbaby]

on 11/24/2008 Great article!!!

[ErinS121287]

on 11/24/2008 Personally, this article helped with my relationship. Even though I live with my man, we have different work schedules and it can be really hard to connect with him whenever I can't be with him physically. Setting a time for us to talk on the phone every day, or surprising each other with a "Just Because" card or text has really helped our relationship keep the "new" feel.