How to Celebrate Holidays With a Broken Family

Whatever the holiday, we have an image of it being perfect: the whole family together, no conflicts, no missing spouse and no angry children.
Although this image is rarely accurate for anyone, the holidays can be a particular challenge for broken families.

Instructions

1. Make plans. Coordinate with your child's other parent about gifts and travel plans. Work out a solution that is fair to all. If the child is young and demands certain things, remember that you are the parents and work together to create a good holiday. If you find you cannot agree, or if one of you is much more aggressive than the other, try mediation. You can find a mediator by looking in your telephone directory.

2. Get a life. Explore holiday celebrations that you've never tried before rather than setting up something that is just like what you used to do with your ex. If you find yourself alone (and most likely you will for at least half the holidays) do something enjoyable rather than seething with resentment.

3. Do something for someone else. You may be missing a child at home, or a spouse, but there is someone you know who would benefit from your company during the holidays. Remember to include a lonely person in at least one of your holiday plans.

4. Remember that you are still a family. Don't all of a sudden forbid mention of the "other" grandparents. If you are the custodial parent and your children love your ex-spouse's parents, help them make cards, pick out gifts and keep in touch, especially if your ex-spouse does not tend to think of these things.

Tips & Warnings

• Lift your spirits with small comforts: a good book, a good bottle of wine, a special trip.

• If you've recently re-married, don't insist that the new parent be included in every single event. Go slowly, and respect your child's feelings.

Resources

• Parents Journal