How to Look Good For the Ladies

Not enough women in your life? Whether we are seeking love, sex or just someone to hold the keys to the handcuffs, a partner is a necessity, and not always easy to find. Stack the deck with some basic grooming, some science, and some cinnamon. Now get in there, tiger!

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• disposable income preferable
• cinnamon optional
• resistance to urge to cry when rejected

1. Step up your basic hygiene. Use a quality soap and shampoo/conditioner in keeping with any skin or hair conditions; be careful to avoid anything that smells "old" or "mediciney". I personally like Lever 2000 with Aloe and Paul Mitchell Systems.

2. Unless you want to attract a girl who looks like those Geico cavemen, remove all errant body, facial, neck, nostril, eyebrow hair with extreme prejudice.

3. Make frequent brushing, flossing and scraping of your tongue(TONS of odor causing bacteria on its surface) part of your regimen. Teeth yellow? Consider home whitening kits ONLY if your choppers are relatively straight. If the whitening agent doesn't make even contact you could end up with two-tone teeth, which is way worse. See a dentist. In fact, see one either way.

4. Clip and clean under your nails. It may seem obvious, but this is a key point that women WILL notice. Cut straight across and file the corners down to follow the curve of you finger.

5. Get a proper haircut. Neatness goes further than style. Avoid fads, stick with the classics. Get a professional (in my area American Male is awesome. Attractive women serve you beer.)to help choose a style that suits your hairline (DO NOT comb over. They can tell.), the shape of your face, and your ability to maintain it. Repeat every 2-3 weeks.

6. If you are like most Americans, jeans are your primary mode of casual dress, so make 'em count. Choose classic blue, faded blue, or "dirty "... avoid black or white like a monkey with Ebola. Try straight leg if you are of slender build, boot cut for athletic or slightly fluffier body types. Always try them on before you leave, and think about a few shirts that match while you're out (try the GAP. Preppie and pricey, but chicks dig it).

7. Choose a deodorant/ antiperspirant with either a mild, "fresh" or powder scent. Axe and TAG are for people under 25, use them with caution or not at all. Better to pick a grown up cologne; base the choice on when and where you plan to wear it. During the day or in close quarters try something light and citrusey(Aqua di Gio, Lacoste Essential, Cool Water by Davidoff); for evenings out go something stronger, with more of a spice, wood or earth tone (Armani Code, Versace L'homme, Burberry). Can only afford one? I hear lots of people buzzing about Ed Hardy.

8. Your shoes will be scrutinized; ask any woman. Above all else MAKE SURE YOUR SHOES ARE CLEAN. If your under 40 avoid moccasins of any kind. Go for a stylish boot, a white tennis shoe, or a loafer. Do not wear white socks with black leather, avoid black socks in sneakers. Keep it simple (no shock absorbers), and make sure that if you wear a belt it matches.

9. Accesorize a little, but don't go crazy. Don't ever let me hear you say "bling..." when telling the girl at the counter what you want. A nice watch works for most people; chains are too easy to get wrong. The only rings a man should wear are Super Bowl and wedding, unless you are an actual mobster. Not everyone can pull off two-tone or even gold. Try platinum, silver, or stainless. Citizen is a good medium priced brand, with lots of styles that will get positive attention.

Tips & Warnings

• If you (like most men) have dry skin problems consider an occasional oatmeal bath, available at most drug stores.
• Studies show that people find symmetrical faces more attractive. Short of massive plastic surgery you're kind of stuck with what you have, but you can make sure your glasses aren't crooked and ask a doctor about removing any hairy moles.
• Found the perfect pair of jeans? Go back and buy another pair. Wash inside-out and in cold water, let them hang to dry.
• Having trouble finding your size at the store? Try the retailer' s web site, they usually have a limited selection of sizes above XL.
• There is some evidence that the scents of cinnamon and vanilla have a "pheromone-like", arousal type effect on some women. A TINY dab of essential oil might do the trick...or just jam your pockets with baked goods!
• More science of attraction: women tend to prefer men with a high chest and shoulder to waist ratio, so hit that gym and make an impression on something besides the sofa cushion
• Choose a few clothing items based as much on how they feel as how they look, in other words, cashmere is like a magnet.
• The above is meant as a guide to making yourself relevant to a wide range of people, not a list of concrete rules. Girls in spiked dog collars aren't impressed by guys who shop at the GAP, so get to know your demographic like a good salesman would.
• What makes you think you'll get lucky twice in one night? PRACTICE SAFE SEX YOU ANIMAL!!! You could get an incurable disease, or even worse, end up like Jon on "Jon and Kate Plus Eight"...

Resources

• Men's Health on Fashion
• Wikipedia on Physical Attractiveness

[hkimbrell]

on 11/10/2009 Nice work! I like your sense of humor, it makes the article an enjoyable read. 5 stars! :)

[jeanier64]

on 11/25/2008 If I were a guy, I'd follow these rules! Awesome article!