How to Talk to an Ex Spouse and a New Girlfriend or Wife about Parenting a Child

The divorce or separation of two adults is difficult enough for children to understand and cope with as they move back and forth between two homes. But the living arrangements after a separation and divorce can become even more difficult when one or both of the two adults begin dating or marry another person. At this time parenting conflicts can develop between couples because of differences in parenting philosophies or styles. Both couples need to work together so that the children can reap the benefits of having a positive relationship with all the adults in the two homes.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Schedule a face to face meeting so that you and your new partner or spouse and the non-custodial parent's new partner or spouse can talk about finding mutual ways to parent. Focus on ways that will be beneficial and less confusing to everyone concerned.

2. Share information, observations and concerns about changes in your child. Discuss if you have observed any changes in the child's behavior following visits to the non-custodial parent's home.

3. Discuss with the non-custodial parent and her new partner or spouse your feelings on such issues nudity. Question if the children are being exposed to nudity or near nudity from a new spouse wandering around the house in his underwear or her lingerie.

4. Set ground rules for the children and establish effective and positive guidelines for discipline such as grounding, taking away privileges, and chores.

5. Work within the framework you set for parenting the child(ren) maintaining all guidelines for communication. Contact your spouse if new issues should arise or if the children become difficult while at your home.

Tips & Warnings

• Children are not above manipulating parents and their new partner or spouse, or the parent and their partner or spouse that they live with most of the time in order to get what they want from both sides while causing trouble at the same time. This is why it is important to meet or work out a way to call and discuss any issues or problems that may arise with the child as time progresses.
• If you ever have a "real suspicion or concern" that a child is being victimized physically or sexually by your new partner or the non-custodial parent's spouse, contact the proper authorities so the allegation can be followed up on.