How to Survive Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a terrible, terrible thing to live through. Some survive, some don't. Women aren't the only ones who are abused; men are abused by women, too. If you, or someone you care about, is in a violent relationship please keep reading.

I, myself, am a survivor. I lived to tell. Not every victim is as fortunate as I was. Many never make it out alive. Some who make it out alive are in wheelchairs, nursing homes, or severely depressed.

So, how do you survive? What's the key to getting out - with your life and soul intact? Here are a few options.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• a plan
• focus
• hope
• faith
• perseverance
• dedication

1. 
   Create a Plan

   When you've made up your mind to leave, you'll need to pull a plan of escape together - if only in your head. Start thinking of a time when your abuser will be gone to work or scheduled to go somewhere.

2. 
   Save Money

   Try to gather some money and hide it if you can. You'll need it, even if it isn't much.

3. 
   Refuge, a place to sleep

   Figure out where you're going. Do you have family or a friend that would provide a refuge until you can pull your mind together and get back on your feet?

4. 
   Mission/Shelter

   If you don't have family or a friend you can stay with, contact a local shelter. It isn't ideal, but they will help you at least make the transition.

5. 
   Don't lose focus

   Stay focused. Don't allow negative thoughts to prevent you from leaving. Your life is on the line. Your life. Life is precious. It's a gift like no other. We only get one mind, one body, one opportunity to live in this beautiful world. You don't have to spend it with someone who doesn't love, cherish, and appreciate you for the special, very special, person you are.

6. 
   Act naturally

   Act normally while you're getting your plan and your money together. If you act strange and start pulling away from your abuser, they'll know something is up. Play it cool. Stay safe. Do what you have to do.

7. 
   Nanny position

   There are options available to give you housing until you can provide for yourself. Consider in-home care for the elderly. Many times they need someone to stay with them at night just to be there in case they need assistance of some sort. This would be a warm bed for you. You'd have somewhere to stay - if only at night. You'd be safe and off the street. Apply for a nanny position. It's perfect for your situation. You'd have a home and a job to keep you busy.

8. 
   Move out of state

   Consider moving out of state so you don't have to be around the abuser.

9. 
   Jail

   Go to the court house and get a restraining order. If your abuser is found violating this order, they'll go to jail.

10. 
    Depression

    Not every abuser ends up paying for what they've done to their victims. In a perfect world, this would be different. Sadly, it's just the way it is. If you get out with your life, health, and mind intact, you're very blessed. You'll need a support system to help you stay on the right track. If you don't find encouragement, you can end up in a deep, dark depression...

11. 
    Dominating Abuser

    Don't allow your abuser to talk you into coming back. Things normally don't change. Abusers rarely, if ever, change. They need to feel in control. They need to be cruel. They don't know how to love normally.

12. 
    Self-defense

    Take self-defense classes. Maybe someone will even donate their time and talents for free. You never know unless you ask. Carry pepper spray and use it if you have to. It will give you enough time to get lost in a crowd and get away.

13. 
    Innocent children

    Do you have children? Think about them. Do they deserve to live in this type of situation?

Tips & Warnings

• Get a journal and write your feelings down. Talk about it. Don't let it fester in your heart and soul until you're ill and can't take it anymore. Life is beautiful and you are too. Get out. Now. While you still can.
• Domestic violence is not a game. It isn't to be taken lightly and can result in death. Plan. Pray. Get out.

[MicheleLTune]

on 5/26/2009 Wow, all of your comments are so beautiful--and much appreciated! Thank you, PJ, Chava and Alisha for sharing your personal stories!!*big hugs to you all*Michele

[AlishaV]

on 5/26/2009 Great article! So many people don't know how to start escaping a situation like this. My father beat my mother during my entire childhood, every holiday was punctuated with my dad getting drunk and often sending mom to the hospital. He finally went to prison for attacking someone else, but she went to another man who abused her because she was too frightened to stand on her own. She always said she stayed for "the kids", me, my sisters, my brother, and eventually my niece and nephew, but absorbing all that as children has affected us. One sister is married to an emotional and sometimes physical abuser, the other sister and my brother are the abusers, and I find myself going both ways if I don't watch myself. Even if the person getting abused doesn't do it for himself/herself, the children need to not have that in their lives.

[chava812]

on 12/23/2008 Great advice! It need not be physical to be abuse; women don't always know that either. Some of the cowards use psychological and emotional abuse as their methods, all with the same result of demeaning the one they supposedly love (so they feel more like men? who knows). Very good points from someone who's been there. The points on self-defense are good, too. I got afraid to go out, altho I faced no physical danger, because I became afraid of everyone. The biggest thing that helped me start to heal was finding someone to tell. And you are right about surviving; some days that was the only thing that kept me going: I knew he had not won because I was still alive (and again, none of this was physical - all emotional and psychological abuse over time).

[lindsey23]

on 12/1/2008 This is such an important article. Thank you for writing it. You did a five star job!

[PJWilliams]

on 11/29/2008 THANK YOU for writing this! I grew up with a father who physically abused my mother. In high school I got a boyfriend who emotionally abused me. After 5 yrs with him, I got out and got a great boyfriend, and then a fantastic husband. My mom saw that I was able to get out, so she evenutally did too and is now happily remarried to a step dad I adore. In my 10yrs out of my folks' house, we have temporarily housed two women who escaped violent husbands (one we came and picked up ourselves) and couldn't immediately get space in a shelter. Shelters can be hard to get into right away, but don't let that stop you! I am very active in our women's shelters' fundraisers so there will be enough beds, but I'd rather there be no NEED for those beds. I love the ideas of being an in-home care giver. Now, one of us needs to write an article on how to be a supportive friend to a victim of domestic violenc