How to Make a Fembot Android

A fembot android is the dream of many misguided geniuses since Frankenstein went out of style. A properly constructed gynoid with superhuman strength and mindless devotion will make a better companion than any mere mortal. If your experimentation somehow goes inexplicably awry, you can always use your fembot as the first in an army of evil killer robots. It is definitely a win-win situation.

Instructions

1. Make sure that you have the right qualifications for making a fembot android. You should be a mad scientist with plenty of experience dabbling in forbidden knowledge. You should know the dark inner workings of chemistry, electrical engineering and mathematics, at least through advanced calculus. You should also have a working knowledge of Western philosophy, alchemy, necromancy and artificial intelligence. You also will need basic welding and metalworking skills.

2. Make sure you have the right motives for making a fembot android. Misanthropy and a severe inferiority complex hidden behind delusions of grandeur are a start, but you need more. Trying to takeover a world is a good, all purpose motivation for projects involving sophisticated robots. Wanting to recreate the personality of a deceased or estranged lover in a perfect, robot body is an even better motivation.

3. Consider reanimating the dead instead. By working with once-living tissue, you can avoid the work of having to create a robotic body and brain from scratch.

4. Create a robot brain. Most people make the mistake of wasting time working on a really tricked out fembot body first, only to lose steam before the process is complete. Make sure your robot brain can pass the Turing Test if you want to be able to have a reasonable conversation with it. Also put in aggression inhibitors and a command to not crush or mangle humans. If you want to recreate a long-lost love in robot form, consider luring her into your laboratory and using a big helmet with lots of wires to transfer her consciousness into the fembot brain.

5. Create a robot body. The easiest way to do this is with wood, but tradition demands burnished chrome for your fembot. Use an airbrush to paint exaggerated makeup and high eyebrows The fembot can like pretty much anyway you want, as long as it has plenty of eyeshadow.

Tips & Warnings

• Check local ordinances before you make a fembot android. Some states have common law regulations against creating monstrosities. Although these rules were meant to stop the reanimation of zombies, they also prohibit the creation of lifelike androids.

• Remember to include an emergency shutoff remote control in case the "do not crush humans" module in your fembot android fails.