How to Mediate a Familial Dispute

While the occasional disagreement between family members is unavoidable, certain conflicts swell beyond the scope of what can be considered normal. Moderate to severe familial disputes have the potential to permanently alter family dynamics for the worse, especially if they are left with no resolution. It is also vital to act before arriving at a point where no one remembers why they were even angry. Here you will find fundamental techniques for mediating these disputes with care and success.

Instructions

Mediating the Familial Dispute

1. Instruct each family member privately before the discussion not to yell, accuse or fight. If this is not possible, the discussion should be postponed until everyone can agree to be calm.

2. Gather the family into a quiet area with comfortable seating. Televisions, cell phones and pagers should be turned off.

3. Begin the discussion by having the mediator call on every member of the family to share their perspectives of the situation. The mediator should prevent all interruptions or noises of protest while someone is speaking with a reminder that everyone will have an uninterrupted chance to speak.

4. Continue to facilitate an open, honest discussion while discouraging inflammatory accusations. Even though certain family members may not ever agree exactly on what caused the dispute, the format of this discussion should allow for all members of the family to express themselves fully without judgment.

Tips & Warnings

• The best resolution is not necessarily a consensus agreement on who caused what, but a deeper understanding and acceptance of each family member as a human being. If one of your family members is a nervous speaker, suggest that they write down the general idea(s) they wish to convey before the discussion begins. This will give him or her a point of reference throughout the mediation.

• Do not attempt to be the mediator of a familial dispute if you can't at least maintain a facade of neutrality. The fastest way to kill civil discussion is to put someone on the defensive, even if by accident. Not every familial dispute can be resolved without professional help. Consult a licensed family therapist regarding the best options for your family. It is possible to talk too much. Going around in circles only leads to more frustration--there is nothing wrong with agreeing to disagree.

Resources

• Find a Family Therapist
• List of Family Therapy Books