How to Do Reflective Listening
Reflective listening is an important communication skill that can be used by couples and families to make discussions more effective. Reflective listening ensures that each person is heard and understood. This helps prevent fights and keeps a discussion on a solution-oriented track.
Other People Are Reading
Instructions
-
Rules of Reflective Listening
-
1
Give each person a chance to speak uninterrupted. The others involved in the discussion must listen without making comments or asking questions. If someone starts to interrupt, the speak or anyone else involved in the conversation should remind him of the rules.
-
2
When the speaker is done, have the others summarize, or "reflect," what they believe was said. By being required to summarize, they are encouraged to pay attention to the speaker, rather than planning in their own minds what they will say when it's their turn to speak.
-
-
3
If needed, have the speaker correct any of the summaries that were not accurate. This ensures that everyone involved in the conversation agrees on the correct interpretation. Once the speaker feels the others fully understand what she said, the next person can take his turn.
-
4
After everyone has had a chance to speak, repeat the process if needed. If the goal of the conversation is simply to vent or express feelings, it may be completed in one or two rounds. If there is a specific goal, it might take longer, as each person shares her views on potential solutions and gives suggestions for compromise.
-
1
Tips & Warnings
Write down the rules for reflective listening and post them in a prominent place. When you are in a discussion with your partner or family members and someone deviates from the rules, use the written list to remind her. This gives you an objective way to enforce the rules rather, than having someone play "conversation cop."
It can be difficult to stick to the rules of reflective listening when you're having a heated disagreement. It's best to practice this communication technique with neutral or "safe" subjects first. Once you and your partner or family members are comfortable using reflective listening in general conversations, you can start implementing it more difficult conversations or disagreements.
