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Step 1
When someone says something passive aggressive, repeat what they said back to them in a positive manner. For example, if there is a pile in the corner and the person says, "I hate piles in corners. They're disgusting," you can say, "I did not realize that bothered you. Are you asking if I'll remove the pile in the corner?" If they say yes, let them know that if they would like something changed, they should ask you, because with comments like that, you aren't sure if they are just comments or a request for you to take action.
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Step 2
If someone does something passive aggressive, like move your chair every time you place it somewhere else, ask the person if the placement of your chair is an issue for them. If they say yes, let them know that by not telling you about the problem, you were offended by the chair being moved constantly, but did not know why it was moved, so you had no problem moving it back.
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Step 3
If a person makes comments about you to friends while you are in the room, kindly ask the person to discuss problems that they have with you...with you. There's no reason to make a sly comment to someone else, when talking to you is more effective.
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Step 4
If you discuss the passive aggressive behavior with the person, but it does not change, you may want to sit down with the person and explain how their passive aggressive behavior makes you feel. Ask why they do not feel comfortable speaking to you directly. Let them know that from now on, they need to speak directly to you, and in exchange, you'll keep a calm attitude when you discuss a situation.
Comments
ashfeather said
on 7/10/2009 Passive aggressive people will just say something like, "well now I feel like ****.. thanks." Instead of taking your help. What do you then? My marriage is on the rocks right now due to his P.A. behaviors. The lies, now I cant trust. The not looking within, but blaming. Where is the hope? I would appreciate if you could possibly find some time to talk via private messages. Do you know what I mean? 5*s though, because these tips will work if the person is willing to change. How do you know though?
kkolode said
on 11/14/2008 Great advice on being assertive and resolving conflict. Five stars!
Inkling said
on 11/12/2008 Directness and poise are two of my favorite things and I wish I had more of them, especially more poise when someone is direct with me.