How to Deal with a Passive Aggressive Person

A passive aggressive person will do something subtle to express displeasure at another's behavior.

Are you dealing with a passive aggressive person? Passive aggressive people tend to use subtle behavior to irritate those who have wronged them or to say biting comments indirectly. Usually people with this type of personality use this behavioral method to avoid confrontation yet get the upper hand in the situation because they can be overly sensitive about others' behavior toward them. There are right and wrong ways to deal with passive aggressive people. Following some steps will help you deal with a passive aggressive person effectively.

Instructions

1. Repeat the passive aggressive comment back to the person in a positive manner. For example, if there is a pile in the corner and the person says, "I hate piles in corners. They're disgusting," you can say, "I didn't realize that bothered you. Are you asking if I'll remove the pile in the corner?" If she says yes, let her know that if she would like something changed she should ask you, because with comments like that, you aren't sure if it was just a comment or a request for you to take action.

2. Ask the person about the passive aggressive behavior to clarify the person's intentions. If someone does something passive aggressive, like move your chair every time you place it somewhere else, ask him if the placement of your chair is an issue. If he says yes, let him know that by not telling you about the problem, you were offended by the chair being moved constantly. But because you did not know why it was moved you had no problem moving it back.

3. Ask the person to discuss problems that they have with you if a person makes comments about you to friends while you are in the room. Let the passive aggressive person know that there's no reason to make a sly comment to someone else, when talking to you can be more effective.

4. Explain to the person how passive aggressive behavior makes you feel if you discuss the passive aggressive behavior with the person, but it does not change. Ask why she doesn't feel comfortable speaking to you directly. Let her know that from now on, she needs to speak directly to you, and in exchange, you'll keep calm when you discuss a situation.

References

• "Dealing With and Understanding Passive Aggressive People"; Chad Hagy; 2007