Things You'll Need:
- an open mind
- an open heart
- Determination
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Step 1
I will address the steps of the unfaithful spouse first and then the steps of the spouse that has been injured due to the unfaithfulness of their spouse.
1. To the Unfaithful Spouse you must confess your error to your spouse without any excuses. Do not shift the blame to the other person that you had the affair with or on your spouse. You must accept full responsibility. Tell the truth. The longer you hide the truth, the less likely your marriage will last.
1. To the Spouse wounded: You need to determine just how much information you want to receive. The more detailed the information, the more painful it will be. Be careful! -
Step 2
2. To the Unfaithful Spouse: You must be prepared for the reactions of your spouse to the information that you have broken your marriage vows. It is important that you assume a role of humility and remorse.
2. To the Spouse wounded: After your spouse has told you their unfaithfulness, you must seek immediate support to help you cope with this situation. Choose someone that you can trust and place confidence in. You must not withhold your emotions or feelings, but maintain control of your emotions so that you do not do something that you will regret. Anger, distrust, crying, etc.. are all normal. Do it to get it out of your system so that you can deal with the issues later. -
Step 3
3. To the unfaithful spouse: If you want your marriage to recover, you must allow your spouse to be angry, but most of all you must work through the issues at the pace of your spouse. Do not try to rush them to get over it. It is not that easy!
3. To the wounded Spouse: If you want your marriage to recover, you must work through the issues. You will have to get to a place where you can begin to forgive. The best advice is: If you a Christian, then seek some spiritual counseling from your pastor. Reflect on scripture that teaches you how to forgive and how God forgave you. If you are not religious, then you must use whatever source that you have to forgive your spouse. Forgiveness is the first step to recovery after the discovery of unfaithfulness. -
Step 4
4. To the unfaithful spouse: You must deal with the specific issues within you that caused you to compromise your marriage vows. This is not a time to deny the truth, you must deal with you or the chance of this happening again is likely. You absolutely cannot have any kind of relationship with the person that helped you break your marriage vows. Immediately break all connections, etc.. You have to break free from that person in order to reconnect with your spouse.
4. To the wounded spouse: Take your time through this process. Do not blame yourself! You are the victim, not your spouse. Go again to your support system and work through the information that your spouse shared with you. You both will most likely need some marital counseling. You must tell your spouse how you feel about the situation. Try forgiving them again. -
Step 5
5. To the Unfaithful Spouse: It is important that you take practical steps to ensure that all health hazards have been addressed. In other words, you need to go and get tested for STDs. Share the results with your spouse if it is going to harm their health.
6. To the Wounded Spouse: Get tested! Your health situation may have been compromised. Get tested immediately for all STDs including HIV. -
Step 6
Step 7. To the Unfaithful Spouse: Be patient with your spouse. They love you, but honestly, they may not like you very much right now. That's ok! Just trust that they love you and are working through this difficult situation.
Forget about sexual fulfilment from your spouse. That is the least of your worries.
7. To the wounded Spouse: Do not rush into intimate moments in denial. Deal with the issues. Try to forgive again. Try to move forward each week. Assess where you are emotionally. Continue to use your support system.
