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Step 1
First and foremost, realize you CANNOT control the behavior of others. You can only control your own behavior and your reactions to what others say or do.
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Step 2
Decide in advance of the big family event that this time you will respond differently. You will change the "dance" (usual interaction)that probably occurred in years past. You will be prepared and thus in control, no longer at the mercy of the actions of others.
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Step 3
Spend some time thinking about what elements of the gathering you do enjoy. Choose to focus on those and spend most of your time doing those things with the people you enjoy being around.
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Step 4
If there is one particular person who always seems to get to you, be ready to respond differently; make a game of it. When she says _____ and you used to _______, instead ask a question, change the subject, make a joke, laugh, or excuse yourself to calm down.
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Step 5
When things are calm, try to find an opportunity to ask that difficult person some questions. Show genuine interest, asking about their childhood, where they grew up, their favorite memories, funny things that happened to them, the dreams they held. Listen carefully and try to see them with "new eyes"
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Step 6
If necessary, ask for a truce on hot topics that usually create family strife.
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Step 7
Stay sober and clear-headed so you can enjoy yourself. If you start to feel stressed or angry, excuse yourself and spend some time alone. Do nice things for yourself to reduce stress.
