Forgiving Your Husband

You've promised to love, honor and cherish your husband in good times and bad. In sickness and in health may be one thing, but as long as you both shall live can be quite another. Betrayal can make the wedding vows seem like a mockery of your relationship. When your husband asks for forgiveness, it can be hard to give. However, if you love your husband, sometimes forgiveness is worth the effort.

Instructions

1. Your husband must acknowledge he has done something wrong, show remorse, not blame you for his actions, and ask for forgiveness. Now it's your turn to consider what to do next.

2. Use empathy. Look at it from your husband's perspective. Consider any past and personal issues. Perhaps his actions and motivations for the bad behavior had nothing to do with you. He may be madly in love with you, but the abuse he suffered as a boy still haunts him. It could also be that he was weak in a simple moment of temptation. It can be dark or just plain silly and stupid. However, you need to get to a place where you can see how it all happened. Don't excuse it. Simply seek understanding of it.

3. Ask yourself if the relationship is worth it to you. Forgiveness is often quick at hand for someone madly in love. By thinking of all the ways and reasons that you truly love your husband, his misdeeds may start to shrink in terms of their importance to you. Assessing the relationship itself is the best path to forgiveness.

4. Address the issue of betrayal. Perhaps it was a bed of lies. Perhaps it was an affair. Perhaps it was both and worse. Two people going along life side by side is a beautiful scenario. However, we are all mere mortals. We're going to hurt and betray someone if we walk alongside them for long enough. That is, sadly, often the case. Don't let that be your husband's excuse, though. Let him have it. Tell him why you are angry in the first place. Get out every stray thought, even if you have to jot them down for two weeks prior to having this discussion with your husband. He needs to hear you out about how much he's hurt you and how rotten what he did really was. Forgiveness can come with getting all your anger out into the open on ears that need to hear about it.

5. Ask your husband any questions that you need to know. If you want to know more about his affair, he must be willing to communicate and be honest with you in this scenario. True forgiveness requires total honesty. Set aside a time when he is willing to talk to you without limitations. Use that time to ask all those questions that haunt your heart. Yes, this will likely be painful and dreaded for both of you, but it's an important step through the bad times. Gaining a new knowledge of one another will often lead to forgiveness.

6. Set a bar. You are in charge. He is in charge. You are equal partners. You must be equally respected. Although you are forgiving in this instance, it needs to be clear that this does not mean that you are a doormat. You are not taking this lying down simply because you choose to forgive the man that you love. A zero tolerance policy for further betrayal needs to be effective immediately alongside the forgiveness. It is easier to forgive if you know that this is the last time that you'll tolerate betrayal.

7. Explain what you are forgiving. Let your husband know that it hurt you deeply, but reassure him that you are now forgiving him. Let him know that you are wiping the slate clean.

8. Express what your new expectations are now that forgiveness has been granted. Your husband needs to be flexible at this point in your relationship. Forgiveness is a process, and it's not a perfect one. Forgiving your husband doesn't mean that you're not going to get angry sometimes if you remember a bad moment. It doesn't mean that you are going to be the perfect wife with the perfect husband. It simply means that you are working your way there.

9. Forgive and forget. If you are going to do this, do it right.

Tips & Warnings

• Never bring up past transgressions in an argument unless the exact thing is repeated again in an act of betrayal. Bringing up past wrongs during arguments only builds a bridge of resentment into his heart.