How to Cope With Becoming a Step Parent

When you combine two families, you have two sets of children, two new parents and two new sets of rules for the children to adjust to. In addition, the children may still be coping with their feelings of loss over the breakup of the family they have always known--the family that included their natural mother and father. This can place an incredible strain on a step-parent, making the transition into his role extremely difficult. The following strategies are designed to help any new step-parent through this emotionally draining period.

Instructions

1. Respect the children's feelings. This may be easier said than done, especially if the children are not showing any respect for your feelings. However you need to understand that children deal with emotional turbulence much differently than adults do. They are not mature enough to know how to work through the myriad of feelings rushing through their bodies, and will act out with behavior which is less than acceptable. By attempting to understand what they may be going through, you will be less likely to feel personally offended by their actions.

2. Develop your relationship with them slowly. The biggest mistake most step-parents make is attempting to become a parental figure before the children are ready to accept them as such. It is better to simply show them that you are there for them when they are ready for you to be. Develop a friendship with them first, earn their respect slowly and enter their lives as they allow you to, little by little.

3. Stay on good terms with your new spouse's ex. This is necessary if you ever want your stepchildren to love you rather than resent you. Keep in mind that, no matter how you might feel about their natural mother, they still love her. In their eyes, speaking ill of or to her is practically as bad as committing murder.

4. Rely on your new spouse for support. Make sure she is doing everything she can to make the transition smooth for all involved. Determine that you are both on the same page when it comes to the rules of the house, and to discipline. If her children are being consistently disrespectful to you, she should address the issue with them. While the children may be going through a tough time, it was not your fault their parents' marriage fell apart. At some point, this needs to be made clear to them, so they can begin to accept the current situation.

5. Show them unconditional love. This is the one step in the entire process which will eventually turn your situation around and make step-parenting a rewarding experience for all. While children are not mature enough to deal with their flood of emotions, they are also not blind or stupid. Through your constant stream of available love and support, they will come to see that you're not such a bad person after all. They will cave at some point, and you will soon find yourself dealing only with normal parenting problems.