How to Have Platonic Friendships
Platonic friendships do not have to be boring. They occur easily between members of the same sex and generally less so between single men and women. The implication here is why would a single man and woman spend time together if there is no romantic spark?
It turns out this has been more commonplace than one would initially believe. Platonic relationships exist everywhere: in the workplace, in church social groups and in any gathering of single and married people who are united in a common goal or interest.
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Instructions
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Determine what you want to get out of any friendship. This sounds very calculating, and it is: if you eventually want to have a romantic, sexual relationship with your best friend, this is a clear intention. If, however, your friend is clearly not interested, this becomes problematic. Determine what the friendship provides for you and if it is enough. If you are ultimately interested in a romantic, sexual relationship, dating is the path to take you there.
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Understand that platonic friendships have value but that by their nature, they do not include sexual contact. Platonic friendships between single men and women offer something else: rapport with a member of the opposite sex without the same maintenance required in a sexual relationship.
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Developing a valuable platonic relationship will require excellent communication by each party. If you enjoy your friendship and understand its parameters, you still have an important friendship. Friendships tend to form organically: you met your friend at work and later you and he go out to group gatherings.
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Set boundaries and be prepared to reexamine them over time. The sexual creative impulse is coded in the DNA; over time, as you establish a close emotional connection with a member of the opposite sex, there may be a time that sexual attraction becomes part of the equation.
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Manage the attraction by assessing it for what it is: self-flattery or is it genuine and is it reciprocal? Does it merit changing the status of your friendship status? If the answer is yes for both of you, test the waters. Bring life vests and agree that if it doesn't feel right, to give each other space and time to figure out what the next step is.
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In some cases, there may be factors that preclude a sexual relationship. If you or your friend choose celibacy, that must be honored. That could change, but in the meanwhile, the friendship must have its own life to survive.
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Remember that good friends of all stripes are worth their weight in gold. For most of us, it is easy to recall diehard friendships molded in high school or at college. We may still call on or write these friends. If you are fortunate to have an authentic platonic friendship with a member of the opposite sex, cherish it. It may change if one of you seeks a romantic relationship or for other reasons. Like any other friendship, platonic friendships require care and feeding. In the end, the benefits should be clear or it may be time to let it go.
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Tips & Warnings
Be clear in your intentions and make them well-known. It would be unfair and unethical to not be blunt on this point with any new friend. If you are genuinely open to the status of friendship changing over time, that is fair thing to state, too.
